People are not only looking for ways to cope with and combat COVID but also ways to deal with sudden feelings of doom and despair.
Field trip in the City
Time for another “field trip” with Creative Mornings! I know I’ll return refreshed and recharged. Members choose from a weekly “menu of field trips”.
We owe huge thanks to Tina Roth Eisenberg (Swissmiss) who started Creative Mornings in 2008 out of a desire for an ongoing, accessible (and free) event for New York’s creative community. Read more …
Our network zooms in from 216 cities across 67 countries to listen and learn about an astonishing range of topics.
Proudly volunteer driven, the fine folks at Creative Mornings know how to host and have fun.
Creative Mornings World-wide
Since COVID, thanks to Creative Morning field trips, I’ve:
“We eat what we kill” was how one shark recruiter described how he made his living. I shuddered. After COVID closed our classrooms, I was looking for a recruitment professional to be a guest speaker for our students. I needed “Nemo”, not a shark. Then I remembered my good friend, Mike Fedryk. He is the Founding Partner of Flex Solutions. One thing I know for sure, Mike is not a shark.
When I first approached Mike back in March, he wanted to be sure he was the right person and asked good questions. By taking the time to ask, I knew he would be perfect. We decided to have an informal “fireside chat” (now “dockside”) followed by Q & A. He also generously critiqued student resumes before our chat so that he could offer his best advice during his live resume review. And because of Mike’s self-effacing manner, he expected absolutely nothing in return…no honorarium, no praise nor recognition, not even something to eat.
Mike’s in the middle of the third row!
Last week I invited Mike again to share again with our students. It’s rare to watch someone do what they love. I’m envious of Mike’s “hip pocket skill” (Indra Nooyi’s definition of super power). He’s able to communicate tough feedback with just the right amount of empathy and compassion so that his listeners know his intention in seconds. As a result, people trust and respect him and listen fully and truly appreciate his feedback. This is how he sets himself apart from the sharks. He is in a pool of his own.
Mike live streaming to students from Ashbridges Bay Marina.
Mike took time off last Saturday and live streamed from Ashbridges Bay Marina for us. He’s so passionate and engaging that when I looked at the time, I had to remind him it was time to wrap up because his sailboat was about to launch without him. Of course, he didn’t leave without inviting all students to reconnect with him on LinkedIn.
Thank you, Mike, for all you have given to help our students. Your generosity of spirit is unsurpassed. On behalf of our students and our faculties, I wish you and your family infinite happiness, success, and clear sailing in the days ahead.
But what do we do in this time of COVID-19? How can networking skills help us if we can’t meet in person?
I often ask my students and audiences what “networking” means to them – “connecting, building relationships, meeting new people, making friends, socializing” to name a few. During this Covid-19 crisis, having networking skills will help us because as humans, we need connection. Technology makes it very easy for us to reach out and connect while maintaining social distance.
Is setting up a social calendar useful when we can’t gather physically?
I have a friend who keeps a checklist to help her connect with family and friends who are near and dear to her. She also keeps another checklist to help her connect with professional contacts and colleagues.
I always maintain a professional calendar because of the nature of my business and now add to my whiteboard daily a list of my family and friends.
Which platforms are available for staying connected? Phone calls vs. Video chat vs. Social media vs email or snail mail?
I use them all!
Video Conferencing
Most platforms have similar features – share, chat, raise your hand, etc. I’ve use GoToMeeting, WebEx, and Zoom to hold meetings with clients pre-COVID-19 and was a guest panelist on an AGEWELL webinar hosted by Translational Research Project, U of T Faculty of Medicine a year ago on March 14, 2019 on I believe, WebEx.
I’ve transitioned my in-person classes on-line on Zoom quite seamlessly and as someone who is very social. I’m delightfully surprised how much I love teaching virtually. I recommend Zoom because it is simple to start and use and you don’t have to be a member to join a Zoom meeting.
Video calling and phone calls
I had planned an Easter visit to be with my 90+ year old parents in Calgary but of course, my visit has been postponed so I call now them daily, sometimes twice a day instead of our usual Sunday weekly call. This ritual provides all of us tremendous comfort and assurance. Hearing them say they love me every night means so much to me. My siblings also live in Calgary so they help connect me with our parents through video calling on Whats App and Facebook Messenger. My Dad loves touching the screen! Use video calling and phone calls if you want to reach someone you love and someone quickly.
Social Media
You either love it or leave it alone! I’m very active on social and connecting and engaging with friends, family, students, mentees, colleagues, acquaintances, and strangers through comments and direct messaging on Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter.
My sister who had been a reluctant user of technology now does a fitness class with her soccer friend via video!
I recommend LinkedIn to stay relevant within your business network by posting comments and sharing if you don’t have time to contribute a post or an article.
Email
As a Boomer, we tend to default to email but I’m mindful when connecting with my younger friends (IG DM and Whats App) and my 22-year old niece (FB messenger) by choosing the media channel they use frequently.
Use email to connect with people of a certain age (Boomers) and also to maintain documentation or an “audit trail” on any important issues – business and personal.
Snail Mail
Snail mail also serves a unique purpose if you don’t mind physically receiving mail. I found Easter cards at Whole Foods last week, had stamps from Shoppers Drug Mart (available from cashiers), and popped them in the mail box with a little prayer that they reach my family and friends – so old school but another way to connect and send a little happiness.
Use snail mail because you’re like a mini-Amazon, delivering love, caring, and joy in an envelope or small package to anyone in the world.
What are some things we can do every day to avoid feeling too isolated?
Or what are some things we can do every day to stay happy at home?
Top 10 Tips to Stay Happy at Home During COVID-19
Keeping a journal – digital or paper – gives you a place to off load your thoughts. I also have this blog and contribute and share posts and articles on LinkedIn and other business blogs.
Do something nice for your neighbours whether you live in a condo, apartment building, or a house. Check in while maintain social distance and ask if you can pick something up for thing if you are making a quick trip to the grocery store.
Connect with nature. Walking meditation helps and a good one can be found in “Peace is Every Step” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
Meditate even for 5 minutes to help clear your mind.
Learn something new! With so many ways to learn online – YouTube, IGTV, Coursera, etc., most of us have access to so much. We are fortunate because not everyone has Internet access. I’m sad to see on Twitter that people who don’t have Internet access gather around the exterior of branches of the Toronto Public Library trying to find a way to log in if they have cell phones. It also shows us the value of our libraries and social services.
Some establish new routines immediately. It grounds them and gives a sense of control. As a creative, I maintain some routine to get work done while also allowing (and sometimes scheduling) time for my mind to wander and be free.
Move! Make sure you move and not sit in front of your computer all day. Stretch! Jump! Dance! Do the Wonder Woman power pose made famous by Professor Amy Cuddy! With over 56 million views to date, watch her 2012 TED Talk: “Your body language may shape who you are”. “We know our minds can change our bodies but can our bodies change our minds?” ~ Amy Cuddy
Pick up the phone and call someone you love, someone who lives alone, someone you’re thinking of.
Take the initiative and identify someone you can help by introducing them to someone in your network who can help, mentor, share their expertise and experience.
Breathe and be thankful for all that you have this moment. The universe will unfold as it should.
Nothing is forever, not even COVID-19. Keep healthy. Keep safe. Keep connected.
In these
uncertain and unprecedented times of social distancing and self-isolation, we
still have so much…even toilet paper!
I don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I was born and raised in a small town, pop. 34,000 called Moose Jaw, Saskatchewan, Canada. Google it! I had it all on the prairies – big open sky, flat prairies where you can see forever, and the friendliest people in the world. Why would I leave? The answer can be found in a number of boxes.
Fulfilling a prophecy
In fact I paid a tribute to these boxes in my commencement address titled “On Boxes and Belonging” for the 2018 graduating class of internationally educated and trained professionals at Ryerson University’s The G. Raymond Chang School of Continuing Education.
Unpacking and packing these boxes meant carrying and storing hard-earned lessons learned from country to country. Learning weighs a ton so I’ve curated my top 25 hard-earned lessons learned so here you go, one soundbite at a time in random order because life is random.
Lesson 1 –
Schedule time to dream. Freely.
You don’t
need to be a billionaire to do it. No one can buy time. Give it a try. Time
gives us creativity.
Lesson 2 –
Reflection does not mean reliving the past.
My two guest
speakers this week reminded me to remember and share my lessons learned…so here
they are.
Lesson 3 –
Mentors are everywhere.
You don’t need
to always ask. You just need to listen well to find them. Be respectful and
reasonable because they mentor many.
Lesson 4 –
Doors always appear.
If you are
present, you will see opportunities and have a choice to walk through the door
or not.
Colour blind?
Lesson 5 – Be “colour blind”. Not everyone is.
People will judge you by the way you look. Those who aren’t “colour blind”, tread carefully. Don’t let them stop you from being who you are.
Lesson 6 –
Listen, always listen. Listen to both your heart and your head.
Learn to
trust your instincts. If you feel queasy and uneasy, heed the red flags. But if
your gut says go, then run and don’t look back.
Lesson 7 –
Know what makes your parents happy.
It’s not
always about you. After all, they gave you life.
Lesson 8 –
Wear even walk in another person’s shoes.
Of course, they
won’t always fit but only then you will know empathy.
Lesson 9 –
Draw and know your line in the sand. Now.
Know in advance so when you’re asked to cross it, usually in crisis situations, you won’t hesitate and know what to do.
Lesson 10
– Know when to quit. It’s ok.
Seth Godin, Marketing Guru calls it “The Dip”. Stop when all you have is a hammer and everything starts looking like a nail.
Lesson 11
– Handle unbridled passion with care. It needs the cross and skull bones hazard
label.
Don’t get
burned. Passion is poison if you let loose. Be alert. Always!
Lesson 12
– The toughest battle will be the one you have with yourself.
Put pride
aside so that you can put food on the table. Ask for help. Help is everywhere –
open heart, open mind, and open arms.
Lesson 13
– Always be a student.
Be it washing
dishes or windows, creating software or songs, look at life like a student. Don’t
think you are the smartest person in the room. Learn more.
Lesson 14
– Know how to fall. Properly.
You will be caught. Get up again.
Lesson 15
– Adapt. Accept. Grow.
Nothing is forever. Unless it’s change. “Perspective is the function of experience.” ~ Brené Brown, Professor, University of Houston. Adapt to change and gain more perspective.
Lesson 16
– People can be anything but predictable.
Dig a little
deeper and go beyond the surface to spot patterns in behavior. But don’t bet
the farm on it. People are unpredictable.
Lesson 17
– Grace is not just a name but a virtue.
What comes
with growth is grace.
Lesson 18
– Remember it takes two to tango.
When you
think you have all the bases covered, especially in crucial conversations, keep
finding other ways to connect and increase the probability of understanding.
Indra Nooyi – Former CEO Pepsi
Lesson 19
– Know the politics. Don’t play them.
“Be aware of
politics but don’t play them.” ~ Indra
Nooyi, former CEO at Pepsi. Where are the “landmines”? Find great mentors
to help you avoid them.
Lesson 20
– Common sense is not common. Everyone has limits.
No one is perfect. Loyalties affect livelihood and there are limits to how much one can do to help. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Look for goodness in others.
Lesson 21
– You don’t need much to be happy.
What does
happiness mean to you? Not your parents, not your spouse or partner, not your
friends or your colleagues. What does happiness mean to you?
Lesson 22
– No learning is lost.
Even when
you come in second. As a striver, it’s hard not to come out ahead or on top but
you move on.
Lesson 23
– Don’t look away from the truth.
Even when it hurts. Especially when it hurts. The truth circles back so you get a second chance to learn … even a third.
Lesson 24
– The Universe will unfold as it should.
Timing is everything. Know when to go with the flow and when to course-correct.
Lesson 25
– Believe.
Young Martin Luther King & Thich Nhat Hanh
Believe the universe is interconnected. If you do harm, it will ripple like a pebble striking water. If you do good, it will travel the same path and last for an eternity.
“The source of love is deep in us, and we can help others realize a lot of happiness. One word, one action, or one thought can reduce another person’s suffering and bring them joy. One word can give comfort and confidence, destroy doubt, help someone avoid a mistake, reconcile a conflict, or open the door to liberation. One action can save a person’s life or help him take advantage of a rare opportunity. One thought can do the same, because thoughts always lead to words and actions. If love is in our heart, every thought, word, and deed can bring about a miracle. Because understanding is the very foundation of love, words and actions that emerge from our love are always helpful.” “Peace is Every Step” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh .
I was still reeling from the stats as I sat with our panel which followed Maya’s talk last Thursday at JLabs Toronto’s “International Women’s Day: From the Classroom to the Boardroom – Navigating Your Career as a Woman”. How could so little change from 40 years ago when I was an earnest young tax auditor at the start of my career? What lessons did I learn from my time at JLabs Toronto?
IWD
2020 – Lesson #1
The “leaky” talent pipeline reminded me that the under representation of women has been around for a very long time – 40 years and counting? The report showed modest progress since 2017 toward gender equality at the entry level. But the biggest gap still exists between men and women beyond the entry level
“None of the
companies on the TSX 70 index – a cross section of the largest and most heavily
traded Canadian stocks – listed a woman as its CEO.” 5.
IWD 2020 – Lesson #2
I have been
and still am a strong proponent of mentorship, having developed a successful
professional mentorship program for newcomer professionals. But I had neglected
to also include sponsorship.
And although I also understand the importance of sponsors, I was abruptly “woke” when Maya presented the power of sponsorship on one’s career.
“Sponsors
play a critical role in an employee’s career development and advancement … sponsors
will introduce their proteges to influential connections, highlight their work
to senior leaders, and recommend them for jobs and promotions.”
IWD
2020 – Lesson #3
The moment I made this immediate and gigantic mind shift towards sponsorship, I realized how I can help young women plug “the leaky talent pipeline”! Young women like our emerging and new scientists in the audience and who introduced themselves and overwhelmed me with their honesty, transparency, and vulnerability. Their authentic desire to up-skill was refreshing and I left the event knowing they will leave the world a better place. And there is no time like the present!
My sincere thanks to Amanda Raponi and #JLabs for hosting this special IWD event, Caitlin Gagnon, our moderator Global Head of Executive Search-Pharma, Johnson & Johnson, and my co-panelists: Jennifer Moody, COO Morphocell Technologies, Drew Taylor, CEO & Co-Founder, Acorn Biolabs and Marian Nakada, VP, Venture Investments, Johnson & Johnson Innovation – JDCC for sharing their sage advice, and Maya Kolaczynski for sharing McKinsey Canada’s “Women Matter” report. #womenhelpingwomen #menhelpingwomen #whywenetwork
I would like to spend the rest of my life creating social experiments, the simpler, the more powerful. Take for example, the social experiment by Daniel Pink. He quickly captured the attention of the graduating Class of 2016 at Georgetown University . It only took 20 seconds but it was unforgettable.
Inspired, I created my own social experiment although it is still taking shape even after 2 years. After teaching my first networking workshop in July 2017, our twelve adult learners decided they wanted to stay connected to one another. So I asked them if they would like to me to give them a “challenge” to complete and we would compare notes in a follow up meet up in six weeks which they agreed.
And although they leaned more towards introversion and didn’t know one another, they seemed to genuinely like one another. I often wondered what would happen if we threw together people randomly. What ideas would form? What types of conversations would emerge? Would they be able to build new relationships after a casual meet up? Would there be friendships formed, mentorship opportunities matched, even a little romance perhaps? I hope. Fingers crossed.
Random collisions
It’s been an exciting, this experiential learning. We’re still tweaking our format but after 14 Drop Ins, we’ve come accustomed to the random pairing of people, at times supported with prompt questions which are sent beforehand. I can observe and detect the range of emotions in their body language and facial expressions each time I approach a pair to ask if they are ready to switch partners. Everyone meets at least 4 -6 new people by the end of the evening.
Dream Network
Our Dream Networkers are courageous, compassionate, and caring people. Yoda would be proud as they “do or do not. (They know) there’s no try.” I also learn a lot from everyone. Meeting new people is not easy. We are vulnerable and manage a lot of different fears and anxiety. But once we realize our fear is exaggerated, then it becomes easier to face. When we visualize the best scenario, we’re energized and motivated to face our fears. And each time we meet someone new, we begin to trust ourselves a little more and gradually, we become more calm and confident and then we look for ways to help others. It’s like a dream and then becomes a reality.
It’s Ok. Ask a Boomer. We’re not dead. Not yet. My student and I were walking to the subway early November when suddenly a young man (evidently eavesdropping on our conversation about technology and Boomers) from behind yelled out, “What’s a boomer?”
“Excuse me, a what?” a definite sign of an aging Boomer. Is he serious? Does he really not know?
“Ask your parents … or maybe your grandparents.” I winced with one eyebrow arched while sizing up his age. “It’s a category, a demographic like you’re a Millennial or maybe a Gen Z-er. Got it?”
He nodded, “I had no idea.”
I learned later that he knew. His question was a twist on the meme, “OK Boomer”. It had been making its rounds on the Internet. OK Boomer is slang for dissing out-dated opinions coming from the Baby Boomer generation and older. It’s the opposite of “OK”. I was the one who had no idea.
Here’s a handy reference updated from last year by Mental Floss on who’s a Boomer and who’s not:
The Silent Generation: Born 1928-1945 (73-91 years old)
Baby Boomers: Born 1946-1964 (54-73 years old)
Generation X: Born 1965-1980 (38-54 years old)
Millennials: Born 1981-1996 (22-38 years old)
Gen Z – Post-Millennials: Born 1997-Present (0-22 years old)
I despair. This inter-generational warfare and anti-Boomer sentiment can be quite harsh and cruel. Andrew Ferguson, staff writer (also a Boomer) at “The Atlantic” recently published “Everyone Hates the Boomer, OK?” and informed us that while memes come and go quickly, as Boomers we’re still stuck on “OK Boomer”.
Gen Zers decided to have printed T-shirts inscribed with “OKAY BOOMER HAVE A TERRIBLE DAY.” ~ New York Times . More ill will putting our world on tilt. We need to take a step (several steps) back to get some perspective.
Perspective – What the Experts Say
Daniel H. Pink, former Vice-President, Al Gore’s speechwriter, is the author of best-selling business books about motivation and sales. Pink opened his 2016 commencement address to the graduating class of (still Millennials) at Georgetown University with his clever 20-second social experiment on perspective-taking and showed why “as we grow in our career and gain more power, we tend to lose our perspective-taking ability and to keep it in check.”
Stephen R. Covey, author of “The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People” on perspective: “Valuing the differences is the essence of
synergy – the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between
people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people
see the world, not as it is, but as they are.”
Why Two Perspectives Are Better Than One
We gain more perspective by getting outside our comfort
zone, meeting new people, and learning new things. At the same, we amp up our
empathy. But there are times when empathy doesn’t factor into the human
equation:
“We
just finished our first meeting so you might like to join us for the next one. Well,
maybe not as you can see, we’re much younger than you.”
“She’s
been around a long time. Honestly, our ideas are way better. Why doesn’t she
just let us take over?”
Then there is silence in a working group. Every once in awhile, heads pop up from their screens with wide-eyed stares and still not a word is spoken.
Can’t we find some common ground to collaborate and value our differences?Claire Kennedy, Chair of the Governing Council of the University of Toronto in her convocation message at St. Michael’s College this November, “This is the time when the world urgently needs more grace.”
Perspective and Grace
How do we gain more perspective? One way is to get outside
your comfort zone. In my previous post, getting outside your comfort zone means
overcoming fear, a work-in-progress.
Standing in the queue at the grocery store recently, a
Millennial was in front of me. She turned and greeted me. We had met last year
at an ideas summit. We ended up comparing notes on swim lessons which left me
inspired, having learned a new strategy on how to overcome my fear of water. Her
name is “Grace”. The world urgently needs more grace.
Perspective and Kindness
George Sanders teaches creative writing at Syracuse
University. His debut novel “Lincoln in the Bardo” won the 2017 Man
Booker Prize. In “Congratulations …
By the Way – Some thoughts on Kindness” based on his convocation
address for the Class of 2013 at Syracuse University, Professor
Saunders is haunted by his memory of a new kid in his 7th Grade named
“Ellen” and why to this day, he still remembers her. His two “million-dollar
questions” were:
“Why aren’t we kinder?
Apparently, we have these
three “built-in confusions”:
“We’re central to
our universe.” Our story is the only story, the only one that
matters.
“We’re separate from
the universe.” – There’s “Us” and then the rest of them.
“We’re permanent.” – You’re going to die but not me.
OK Millennial. OK Boomer.
“How do we become kinder?”
“Kindness is hard. …
Becoming kinder happens naturally with age. As we get older, we come to see how
useless it is to be selfish… We get our butts kicked and people come to the
rescue and we’re not that separate, and we don’t want to be. Most people, as
they age, become less selfish and more loving.”
OK Boomer. OK
Millennial.
To the graduating
class of 2013 (still Millennials), George Saunders ended his speech: “Your
life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now.”
Black Friday is no ordinary Friday. Big box retailers like Amazon are having the “biggest ever Black Friday”starting one week in advance, of course. Although it’s Prime Time on Amazon, Warren Buffet, the highly successful investor, and us ordinary folks would be hard pressed to buy time. So “I better be careful with it (time). There is no way I will be able to buy more time”, Buffett cautioned his friend, Bill Gates, in their 2018 interview.
Billionaires, Gates and Richard Branson, believe we need to “schedule time to just dream and think freely.” As a non-billionaire, I schedule my dream time efficiently – while I am dreaming. Clarity comes often just before I open my eyes. Allowing our minds to rest and wander gives us access to creativity. Time gives us creativity.
I met Frank O’Dea, co-founder of Second Cup, in 2013 and again in 2018. His struggle with alcohol and abuse is remarkable in “When All you Have is Hope”. In “Do the Next Right Thing – Surviving Life’s Crises”, he outlined the need to:
First find peace.
Draw on a higher power.
Do the next right thing.
Take the time. Time gives us peace.
I once envied youth for all the time they have ahead of them. I urged them to not waste one single second. Of course, they laughed at me. They have all the time in the world, don’t they? Apathy perhaps?
Comfortably past mid-life now, I no longer envy nor worry but watch with wonder the way youth race through life at Mach 9.6 speed. What will they do with all that time on their hands? More importantly, what will time give them? More opportunities? More wisdom, experience? More apathy? (surely not)
Will they meet new people #IRL (in real life)? Will they gain new perspectives by learning from others unlike them? Will they rise like Frank O’Dea when faced with unfathomable struggles? Time will tell.
I’ve met Sandra Shamas . When asked if she is a comedian, she says, “only if they laugh”. “My Boyfriend’s Back and There’s Going to be Laundry” was a big hit. We’re the same age. I borrowed a math “quiz” from her Show while making not too fine a point about the value of mentorship and experience. “How much time do we have left to live?” I had asked during a keynote for a bewildered group of aspiring entrepreneurs a few years ago.
We’ve got 30 years if our stars align properly. Sandra had asked: “What’s that in days?” 10,950 days, not a heck of lot. Try hours? 262,800 hours. Really? 15,768,000 minutes. 946,080,000 seconds, yep, that’s all we’ve got.
Looking back 30 years, I was the same age as they were that day. I asked them how many years separated us. 30 years. I then asked them to reflect on their lives so far and what they hoped to accomplish in the next 30 years. I asked them to think about how many more stories they would have to tell in another 30 years.
Then I shared with them a quote from Lubna Olayan
now the first Chairwoman of a Saudi bank and one of the most powerful and
influential women in the world according to TIME, Forbes, and Fortune. In “Fortune September
2015 , she said: “The more challenges you face in life, the more of
life you experience – this lived experience gives one the “influence” to impact
others’ lives.”
As mentors and mentees across the generations, we would make time to listen to understand one another instead of dismissing ourselves as Millennials and Boomers. We might learn something from one another that might help us save time. Anyone need more time?
Time gives us opportunities to share our experience and knowledge. Lifelong learning takes a long time, a life time. regardless of our age. Why not collaborate and co-create? Time is ticking so we best start now. #cometogether
We’re not dead. Yet. My student and I were walking when
suddenly a young person approached us from behind with a question, “What’s a
boomer?”
He had eavesdropped on our discussion about technology and its impact on Boomers. He doesn’t know? Ouch!
“Ask your parents … or maybe your grandparents.” I winced. “Boomers” is another cohort like “Millennials” or “Gen Zers”. Got it?”
He nodded, “I had no idea.”
We’re not dead yet. Or are we? I started to wonder. From his perspective, we’ve already left and forgot to close the door on our way out. Not so fast. Here’s what the experts say:
On Perspective
Daniel H. Pink is the author of best-selling business books about motivation and sales: “Drive”, “To Sell is Human” and “When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing. His TED Talk on motivation has more than 20 million views.
Pink cautions us at the end of his social experiment that as we grow in our career, we gain more power and we tend to lose our perspective-taking ability. We should argue like we’re right but listen like we’re wrong. And don’t believe we’re the smartest person in the room because we’ve just shown that we’re not.
Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy-the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.” ~ Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
“The world urgently needs more grace.” Ms. Claire M. C. Kennedy, Chair of the Governing Council of the University of Toronto as she addressed the convocation yesterday at University of St. Michael’s College.
On Empathy
Standing in the queue at the grocery store Friday night, a young woman in front of me turned and said she knew me. We met last year at ICA’s “Idea Summit” on inclusivity, diversity, and equity. We swapped stories about our fear of water and swimming. She has her Swim 1 and 2. I’m still at Swim 0. She offered invaluable insights, tips, and her perspective on how she overcame her fear. Inspired, I thanked her and what do you know, her name is “Grace”! “The world urgently needs more grace.”
I have a deep appreciation of art but I cannot draw, not even a crooked line, so I took an art sampler from the Art Gallery of Ontario. In one afternoon, our dedicated instructors took us through the painful steps of beginner sculpting, printmaking, drawing, and water colour painting.
Auguste Rodin – The Cathedral
Moving from station to station, we gathered our mini-art projects and I wondered if mine deserved fridge magnets but sadly, no. However, I managed to sharpen my perspective-taking ability especially during sculpting. My struggle to mold and shape the clay into an egg helped me appreciate all the labour that Auguste (Rodin) must have expended to achieve mastery.
On Kindness
George Sanders teaches creative writing at Syracuse University. His debut novel “Lincoln in the Bardo” won the 2017 Man Booker Prize. He is included in Time list of the one hundred most influential people in the world.
In “Congratulations … By the Way – Some thoughts on Kindness” based on his Class of 2013 convocation address at his university, Professor Saunders shares a poignant story about a new kid named “Ellen” in his 7th Grade and why to this day, he still remembers her.
Some thoughts on Kindness for Graduates
He also asks:
“Why aren’t we kinder?
Apparently we have three “built-in confusions”:
“We’re central to our universe.” Our story is the only story that matters.
“We’re separate from the universe.” – There’s “Us” and then the rest of them.
“We’re permanent.” – You’re going to die but I’m not me.
2. “How do we become kinder?”
Professor Saunders: “Kindness is hard. … Becoming kinder happens naturally with age. As we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish… We get our butts kicked and people come to the rescue and we’re not that separate and we don’t want to be. Most people, as they age, become less selfish and more loving.” Right, Boomers?
I’ll admit I am full of envy whenever I’m talking to someone half my age. They have so much more ahead of them, so many opportunities, and so many days left. I remind them how fortunate they are. Time is on their side. George Saunders (and I) want them to know that “your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now.”
A swim in
the pool is no walk in the park especially when you’re absolutely terrified of
water.
Be Fearless – Mind over Matter
Fear has staked a claim in my mind the size of an Olympic swimming pool. Oddly I’ve snorkeled in Cuba and Bali, shot the noisy rapids in Stanley Mission, Northern Saskatchewan, punted leisurely along the River Thames in Oxford, sailed on a Hobie Cat off the coast of Zanzibar, water-skied in hippo-inhabited Lake Kariba, Zambia, and splashed about in a swimming pool in Sulawesi. Clearly there’s a huge disconnect – what I fear, how I think, and what I do -but fear is fear.
Mine is a life long fear I haven’t yet controlled as it has taken up long term residence in my mind. But I’m ready now for transformation and here are three lessons I’ve learned along the way:
Lifesaving Lesson No. 1 – Don’t go from zero to hero! Find cheerleaders.
Registration for Adult Swim Level 1 at our recently renovated community center pool was imminent and at a very reasonable cost. I could hear my Mom reminding me, “Remember, you get what you pay for.” I registered.
As I snapped my brilliant orange flotation belt snugly around my waist, I suspected that the real price I was about to pay was much higher as I slid into the pool and my life flashed before me. I clung vise-like to the edge of the pool, to the rope that separated the lanes, to my instructor’s arm, to anything and anyone within reach.
But when the water began to worm its way into my ears, my heartbeat rose rapidly from 60 to 600. Panic! I cannot see. My eyes are shut so tight that I cannot hear. I’m going deaf, too? Is this possible?
The water wound its way up my nose and into my goggles. Now my eyes are swimming but not me. I’ve stopped breathing. I sputtered. I choked. “I am a rock.” Simon & Garfunkel are in the pool, too? My heart sunk as does my body. I’ve failed. Again.
These damn goggles were so tight and any common sense I once had have now been squeezed out. Flipping my goggles up and down, up and down, and my fingers like windshield wipers, swiping i\intermittently in and out, in and out, all resolve has faded away. My classmates’ arms and legs turned into windmills whipping about and now the water has transformed into tsunamis. Time to declare a state of emergency. But they don’t.
Suddenly I heard The Marvelous Ms. M! “Jean! Bend your knees. Go on. Slightly bend your knees first. Then tilt your head back. Relax. Breathe. Feel the water around your ears, your face. Then let go.” Really? Is that all there is to it? I can do this.
And I did … if only for ONE long second. Discouraged, I wanted to quit but my cheerleader, The Marvelous Ms. M, wouldn’t let me and that is how I found myself one week later, muttering, “Make friends with the water.”
Lifesaving Lesson No. 2 – Have a positive mental attitude. Make friends with Fear.
Changing one’s mindset is no mean feat but my mantra “Make friends with the water” stuck with me as I walked to the pool last Friday. Smile. Positive mental attitude. Shake hands with the water. Tame the water dragon wreaking havoc within me. I told myself as I would tell my networking students: “Be like Yoda. Be fearless!”
I summoned all the courage I had. I set an intention. I prepared for a realistic outcome. Remember Lesson No. 1 – don’t be a hero. Just get used to the feel of the water. I don’t have to float on my back … not just yet. Let the water fall around my ears and on my face. It doesn’t feel too bad. Breathe out and not in especially while under water. Repeat my key words – relax, calm, gentle. Breathe. Believe.
Our young instructor handed out weighted colourful rings to be dropped to the bottom of the pool for us to retrieve. Do I have to keep my eyes open? The Marvelous Ms. M laughed. “You’re hilarious!”It was messy but I did it 3 times. It didn’t look pretty because the belt kept me bobbing while grabbing. And I still haven’t learned how to laugh under water yet.
Time to float on our backs. I could see my key words floating above my head. I still have the belt on. We flip over to float on our stomachs and I heard The Marvelous Ms. M say my name. I stood up and shouted, “I must still be alive because I heard you!” Everyone laughed. I relaxed.
Next up was the flutter kick. Grip the mini “surfboard”. Try not to leave indentations. Kick kick kick. I have squash legs. No problem. I yelled over to The Marvelous Ms. M. “I’m a duck!” What fun until I swallowed some water after I said “duck” and inhaled more water through my nose. What the … duck?
We move to the edge of the pool, shallow end, of course. Pushing off on our side with one arm extended, resting on our “surfboard”, we flutter kicked on our side. More bobbing with my belt and I started to roll as if I was in a kayak. Not pretty again but I’m not ready to part with my belt…not yet.
Our instructor wanted us to try swimming “free style”. He has already forgotten. Some of us still can’t float, flutter kick, nor glide. His voice is calm and soothing. Maybe he can hypnotize me as he shows us how to keep our faces in the water. I can do this. VERY important – don’t breathe in. Straight knees and kick kick kick. But what do I do with my arms? Pretend you’re Michael Phelps, he grinned. My ears must be clogged. “Michael Phelps? Where?” He added, “And did you know your arms don’t move at the same speed as your legs?” Really? No kidding. How do we know what we don’t know?
The final few minutes we learned the do’s and don’ts of wearing a life jacket. This I thankfully know. Before we parted, my classmates agreed to reward ourselves with a glass of wine next week… incentive and positive reinforcement, this I know, too.
But before our next swim lesson, I need to and want to practice. Maybe the glass of wine is the much-needed incentive.
Lifesaving Lesson #3: Practice Practice Practice – 20 hours vs 10,000 hours – good enough or mastery?
Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book “Outliers – The Story of Success”, “10,000 hours is the magic number to become world-class in any field.” although he also said the rule doesn’t apply to sports. Whereas in Josh Kaufman’s book “The First 20 Hours … How to Learn Anything Fast”, the author focuses on rapid skill acquisition. Our swim lessons are once a week for an hour over 9 weeks so we have two additional hours for practice.
I made it to “Leisure Swim” yesterday and logged in 20 minutes of practice. I found motivation while getting tips from the young lifeguards on duty and so empathetic, kind, and professional … AND they kept an eye on me.
One old enough to be my grandson told me to make a star so I visualized a starfish. “Arc your back!” I faltered and floundered but I kept trying. I finally found myself floating on my back, a starfish gazing into the overhead lights. I saw stars.
Am I ready now to try without the belt? It’s not as easy as it looks but I floated … for TWO long seconds. “Fill your lungs with air, Jean.” Like a balloon? He nodded. But do I hold my breath? Is that how it works? “Inhale lots of air quickly and exhale slowly.” This makes sense.
My newly adopted grandson/lifeguard reassured me that he’ll be working next weekend. Sweet! An accountability partner! And although it was fleeting, I had a small taste of victory in those two seconds. What would ten seconds feel like? Feel the fear … and do it anyway.®
