I shudder each time I hear “fail fast”. Words are gold – precious and not to be taken
lightly. Honour your words. Failing is not an Olympic sport. It’s not as easy as
it looks when you crash into the boards, fall on the slopes, turn an ankle and
then dust yourself off, pick yourself up, and forge ahead and sometimes limp to
the finish line.
MsBizWiz
If I’m not mistaken, “fail
fast” means to not dwell but to iterate, rapid prototype, A/B test, push
boundaries, be daring, be courageous, be bold until you find a solution, an
answer, a way to cross the “finish line”. Failing hurts. We don’t live in the
hope we fail, do we?
Bianca Andreescu, our Canadian tennis phenom, prepares for
her matches with visualization and meditation. “Working your mind (is
important) because at this level everyone knows how to play tennis. The thing
that separates the best from the rest is just the mindset.”
My Top Ten+ Losses and Gains (not in any order of importance):
Loss of Country – Embrace the World.
Loss of Home – Know how “home” truly feels.
Loss of Job – Know work is not your worth.
Loss of Career – Gain creativity.
Loss of best friend – Gain acceptance.
Loss of spouse – Know truth.
Loss of all possessions – Know peace.
Loss of mind – Gain self-compassion.
Loss of confidence – Gain courage.
Loss of sibling – Gain acceptance.
Loss of health – Gain patience.
Loss of business – Gain perspective.
MsBizWiz Thumbs Up
Every loss and gain effects change. Through the lenses of loss, we endure, grow, and become more humane and maybe even more human. As we say good-bye to 2019 and position ourselves for a new year, a new decade, learn, learn fast. Listen, listen attentively. Lead, lead authentically and dream a little dream.
Last Friday night, we were three women left standing,
or dare I say, “swimming” in our community centre’s pool out of twelve who had
started in “Older Adult Swim One” (very tentative beginners) nine weeks ago.
Like a wet bathing suit, my fear of water still
clung to me. But that night, it felt different. The water was warm, almost
inviting after coming out of the cold. The pool was all ours. The other classes
finished a week earlier. So peaceful, so calm, and under the watchful eye of
Andrew, our Gen Z instructor, we got to practice on anything we wanted.
We all tread water for awhile, arms and legs going
off in all directions, different speeds, awkward motions with our life jackets
on until we tired out.
Then while the others were swimming, I tried to float
(again) on my back. I tried everything during these nine Friday lessons.
Missing a few didn’t help. I floated with the noodle, that lengthy lifeline.
I tried to float without the noodle still gripping
tightly to the pool edge with one hand and then letting go. I tried
visualization but this jack knife pose sunk me. I tried positive self talk but I
had too much on my mind. I tried to relax but I kept breathing at the wrong time
so that water kept going up my nose.
Then I stopped trying so hard and resorted to a
silent prayer. “Please if there is a God, let me float even for 2 seconds.” I let
go of the edge and I finally felt this odd sensation for first 2 seconds,
then again for 3 seconds. Was this floating? I could hear cheers from my swim-mates
and Andrew. “You did it!” I did? I did! Funny how moving towards your goal can
feel so empowering and motivating even for two seconds. I walked out of the
pool wondering when I could get back in again to experiment and try again.
My Swim Report Card
I did jump into the deep end!
Our “report cards” were displayed on the table as we exited. We should have given Andrew a medal for bravery. He survived teaching adults for the first time. My swim mates perfected their kicking and gliding. We all had our small victories. But as in all victories, it is the journey we revel and relish. We started out as strangers, four generations – Gen X, Y, Z plus Boomer, as equals in a learning environment that made us braver, friendlier, and kinder. #whenweallwinweallwin
I would like to spend the rest of my life creating social experiments, the simpler, the more powerful. Take for example, the social experiment by Daniel Pink. He quickly captured the attention of the graduating Class of 2016 at Georgetown University . It only took 20 seconds but it was unforgettable.
Inspired, I created my own social experiment although it is still taking shape even after 2 years. After teaching my first networking workshop in July 2017, our twelve adult learners decided they wanted to stay connected to one another. So I asked them if they would like to me to give them a “challenge” to complete and we would compare notes in a follow up meet up in six weeks which they agreed.
And although they leaned more towards introversion and didn’t know one another, they seemed to genuinely like one another. I often wondered what would happen if we threw together people randomly. What ideas would form? What types of conversations would emerge? Would they be able to build new relationships after a casual meet up? Would there be friendships formed, mentorship opportunities matched, even a little romance perhaps? I hope. Fingers crossed.
Random collisions
It’s been an exciting, this experiential learning. We’re still tweaking our format but after 14 Drop Ins, we’ve come accustomed to the random pairing of people, at times supported with prompt questions which are sent beforehand. I can observe and detect the range of emotions in their body language and facial expressions each time I approach a pair to ask if they are ready to switch partners. Everyone meets at least 4 -6 new people by the end of the evening.
Dream Network
Our Dream Networkers are courageous, compassionate, and caring people. Yoda would be proud as they “do or do not. (They know) there’s no try.” I also learn a lot from everyone. Meeting new people is not easy. We are vulnerable and manage a lot of different fears and anxiety. But once we realize our fear is exaggerated, then it becomes easier to face. When we visualize the best scenario, we’re energized and motivated to face our fears. And each time we meet someone new, we begin to trust ourselves a little more and gradually, we become more calm and confident and then we look for ways to help others. It’s like a dream and then becomes a reality.
It’s Ok. Ask a Boomer. We’re not dead. Not yet. My student and I were walking to the subway early November when suddenly a young man (evidently eavesdropping on our conversation about technology and Boomers) from behind yelled out, “What’s a boomer?”
“Excuse me, a what?” a definite sign of an aging Boomer. Is he serious? Does he really not know?
“Ask your parents … or maybe your grandparents.” I winced with one eyebrow arched while sizing up his age. “It’s a category, a demographic like you’re a Millennial or maybe a Gen Z-er. Got it?”
He nodded, “I had no idea.”
I learned later that he knew. His question was a twist on the meme, “OK Boomer”. It had been making its rounds on the Internet. OK Boomer is slang for dissing out-dated opinions coming from the Baby Boomer generation and older. It’s the opposite of “OK”. I was the one who had no idea.
Here’s a handy reference updated from last year by Mental Floss on who’s a Boomer and who’s not:
The Silent Generation: Born 1928-1945 (73-91 years old)
Baby Boomers: Born 1946-1964 (54-73 years old)
Generation X: Born 1965-1980 (38-54 years old)
Millennials: Born 1981-1996 (22-38 years old)
Gen Z – Post-Millennials: Born 1997-Present (0-22 years old)
I despair. This inter-generational warfare and anti-Boomer sentiment can be quite harsh and cruel. Andrew Ferguson, staff writer (also a Boomer) at “The Atlantic” recently published “Everyone Hates the Boomer, OK?” and informed us that while memes come and go quickly, as Boomers we’re still stuck on “OK Boomer”.
Gen Zers decided to have printed T-shirts inscribed with “OKAY BOOMER HAVE A TERRIBLE DAY.” ~ New York Times . More ill will putting our world on tilt. We need to take a step (several steps) back to get some perspective.
Perspective – What the Experts Say
Daniel H. Pink, former Vice-President, Al Gore’s speechwriter, is the author of best-selling business books about motivation and sales. Pink opened his 2016 commencement address to the graduating class of (still Millennials) at Georgetown University with his clever 20-second social experiment on perspective-taking and showed why “as we grow in our career and gain more power, we tend to lose our perspective-taking ability and to keep it in check.”
Stephen R. Covey, author of “The 7 Habits of Highly
Effective People” on perspective: “Valuing the differences is the essence of
synergy – the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between
people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people
see the world, not as it is, but as they are.”
Why Two Perspectives Are Better Than One
We gain more perspective by getting outside our comfort
zone, meeting new people, and learning new things. At the same, we amp up our
empathy. But there are times when empathy doesn’t factor into the human
equation:
“We
just finished our first meeting so you might like to join us for the next one. Well,
maybe not as you can see, we’re much younger than you.”
“She’s
been around a long time. Honestly, our ideas are way better. Why doesn’t she
just let us take over?”
Then there is silence in a working group. Every once in awhile, heads pop up from their screens with wide-eyed stares and still not a word is spoken.
Can’t we find some common ground to collaborate and value our differences?Claire Kennedy, Chair of the Governing Council of the University of Toronto in her convocation message at St. Michael’s College this November, “This is the time when the world urgently needs more grace.”
Perspective and Grace
How do we gain more perspective? One way is to get outside
your comfort zone. In my previous post, getting outside your comfort zone means
overcoming fear, a work-in-progress.
Standing in the queue at the grocery store recently, a
Millennial was in front of me. She turned and greeted me. We had met last year
at an ideas summit. We ended up comparing notes on swim lessons which left me
inspired, having learned a new strategy on how to overcome my fear of water. Her
name is “Grace”. The world urgently needs more grace.
Perspective and Kindness
George Sanders teaches creative writing at Syracuse
University. His debut novel “Lincoln in the Bardo” won the 2017 Man
Booker Prize. In “Congratulations …
By the Way – Some thoughts on Kindness” based on his convocation
address for the Class of 2013 at Syracuse University, Professor
Saunders is haunted by his memory of a new kid in his 7th Grade named
“Ellen” and why to this day, he still remembers her. His two “million-dollar
questions” were:
“Why aren’t we kinder?
Apparently, we have these
three “built-in confusions”:
“We’re central to
our universe.” Our story is the only story, the only one that
matters.
“We’re separate from
the universe.” – There’s “Us” and then the rest of them.
“We’re permanent.” – You’re going to die but not me.
OK Millennial. OK Boomer.
“How do we become kinder?”
“Kindness is hard. …
Becoming kinder happens naturally with age. As we get older, we come to see how
useless it is to be selfish… We get our butts kicked and people come to the
rescue and we’re not that separate, and we don’t want to be. Most people, as
they age, become less selfish and more loving.”
OK Boomer. OK
Millennial.
To the graduating
class of 2013 (still Millennials), George Saunders ended his speech: “Your
life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now.”
Black Friday is no ordinary Friday. Big box retailers like Amazon are having the “biggest ever Black Friday”starting one week in advance, of course. Although it’s Prime Time on Amazon, Warren Buffet, the highly successful investor, and us ordinary folks would be hard pressed to buy time. So “I better be careful with it (time). There is no way I will be able to buy more time”, Buffett cautioned his friend, Bill Gates, in their 2018 interview.
Billionaires, Gates and Richard Branson, believe we need to “schedule time to just dream and think freely.” As a non-billionaire, I schedule my dream time efficiently – while I am dreaming. Clarity comes often just before I open my eyes. Allowing our minds to rest and wander gives us access to creativity. Time gives us creativity.
I met Frank O’Dea, co-founder of Second Cup, in 2013 and again in 2018. His struggle with alcohol and abuse is remarkable in “When All you Have is Hope”. In “Do the Next Right Thing – Surviving Life’s Crises”, he outlined the need to:
First find peace.
Draw on a higher power.
Do the next right thing.
Take the time. Time gives us peace.
I once envied youth for all the time they have ahead of them. I urged them to not waste one single second. Of course, they laughed at me. They have all the time in the world, don’t they? Apathy perhaps?
Comfortably past mid-life now, I no longer envy nor worry but watch with wonder the way youth race through life at Mach 9.6 speed. What will they do with all that time on their hands? More importantly, what will time give them? More opportunities? More wisdom, experience? More apathy? (surely not)
Will they meet new people #IRL (in real life)? Will they gain new perspectives by learning from others unlike them? Will they rise like Frank O’Dea when faced with unfathomable struggles? Time will tell.
I’ve met Sandra Shamas . When asked if she is a comedian, she says, “only if they laugh”. “My Boyfriend’s Back and There’s Going to be Laundry” was a big hit. We’re the same age. I borrowed a math “quiz” from her Show while making not too fine a point about the value of mentorship and experience. “How much time do we have left to live?” I had asked during a keynote for a bewildered group of aspiring entrepreneurs a few years ago.
We’ve got 30 years if our stars align properly. Sandra had asked: “What’s that in days?” 10,950 days, not a heck of lot. Try hours? 262,800 hours. Really? 15,768,000 minutes. 946,080,000 seconds, yep, that’s all we’ve got.
Looking back 30 years, I was the same age as they were that day. I asked them how many years separated us. 30 years. I then asked them to reflect on their lives so far and what they hoped to accomplish in the next 30 years. I asked them to think about how many more stories they would have to tell in another 30 years.
Then I shared with them a quote from Lubna Olayan
now the first Chairwoman of a Saudi bank and one of the most powerful and
influential women in the world according to TIME, Forbes, and Fortune. In “Fortune September
2015 , she said: “The more challenges you face in life, the more of
life you experience – this lived experience gives one the “influence” to impact
others’ lives.”
As mentors and mentees across the generations, we would make time to listen to understand one another instead of dismissing ourselves as Millennials and Boomers. We might learn something from one another that might help us save time. Anyone need more time?
Time gives us opportunities to share our experience and knowledge. Lifelong learning takes a long time, a life time. regardless of our age. Why not collaborate and co-create? Time is ticking so we best start now. #cometogether
Ask Rondae Hollis-Jefferson who, while being a member of the Toronto Raptors’ bench, played his heart out last week during their recent road trip out West. With four out of the eight-man rotation on the injury list, Coach Nick Nurse tapped “RHJ” and he made damn sure he optimized his opportunity to show his true mettle as a primary defender. He knew that this opportunity may never pass his way again and he was hungry, very hungry, and impressed the heck out of #wethenorth.
Hunger Hurts, Helps, and Heals
Last week I received a note from a young entrepreneur and mentee in Paris. We first met in 2016 at a Toronto networking event hosted by a not-for-profit helping young entrepreneurs on exchange from France. At that time, he was about to launch an app for children’s entertainment, think “Dora the Explorer”. His eyes shone with steely determination and his words showed a humility rarely found in others. Since my niece and I would be in Paris the following Spring, we made plans to meet. But we didn’t connect. Surprisingly he cancelled very last minute which made me concerned enough to alert the not-for-profit’s liaison who thankfully followed up with him. I learned later of his modest background and his continuing struggle to meet his basic needs.
He reconnected about six months later and against many odds he managed to rise above it all and found contract work as a production assistant with a Paris-based luxury brand, a testament to his talent, courage, and resilience. Today he is working on his portfolio to work in TV animation. He channels his hunger to fuel a motivation in the same way our Toronto Raptor, Rondae Hollis-Jefferson.
Stay Hungry?
Then there are those who are in creative and precarious occupations usually with a strong entrepreneurial mindset. It’s not always Eggs Benedict on the menu. Peanut butter combo sandwiches – with strawberry jam, bananas, and/or Nutella – were a favourite of a now well-respected entrepreneur in the health and beauty sector. The irony is not lost. Popcorn, three-minute noodles, and “orange cheese” were also memorable among other entrepreneurs I’ve interviewed. Whether you’re in the NBA, in Paris, or in the kitchen making PB sandwiches, staying hungry is not an option.
So when the inimitable Steve Jobs once told us to “Stay hungry!”, he meant to never be satisfied and always push yourself. But I wonder if he knew the other side of hunger. Just some food for thought. #MotivationMonday
We’re not dead. Yet. My student and I were walking when
suddenly a young person approached us from behind with a question, “What’s a
boomer?”
He had eavesdropped on our discussion about technology and its impact on Boomers. He doesn’t know? Ouch!
“Ask your parents … or maybe your grandparents.” I winced. “Boomers” is another cohort like “Millennials” or “Gen Zers”. Got it?”
He nodded, “I had no idea.”
We’re not dead yet. Or are we? I started to wonder. From his perspective, we’ve already left and forgot to close the door on our way out. Not so fast. Here’s what the experts say:
On Perspective
Daniel H. Pink is the author of best-selling business books about motivation and sales: “Drive”, “To Sell is Human” and “When: The Scientific Secrets of Perfect Timing. His TED Talk on motivation has more than 20 million views.
Pink cautions us at the end of his social experiment that as we grow in our career, we gain more power and we tend to lose our perspective-taking ability. We should argue like we’re right but listen like we’re wrong. And don’t believe we’re the smartest person in the room because we’ve just shown that we’re not.
Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy-the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.” ~ Stephen R. Covey, author of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
“The world urgently needs more grace.” Ms. Claire M. C. Kennedy, Chair of the Governing Council of the University of Toronto as she addressed the convocation yesterday at University of St. Michael’s College.
On Empathy
Standing in the queue at the grocery store Friday night, a young woman in front of me turned and said she knew me. We met last year at ICA’s “Idea Summit” on inclusivity, diversity, and equity. We swapped stories about our fear of water and swimming. She has her Swim 1 and 2. I’m still at Swim 0. She offered invaluable insights, tips, and her perspective on how she overcame her fear. Inspired, I thanked her and what do you know, her name is “Grace”! “The world urgently needs more grace.”
I have a deep appreciation of art but I cannot draw, not even a crooked line, so I took an art sampler from the Art Gallery of Ontario. In one afternoon, our dedicated instructors took us through the painful steps of beginner sculpting, printmaking, drawing, and water colour painting.
Auguste Rodin – The Cathedral
Moving from station to station, we gathered our mini-art projects and I wondered if mine deserved fridge magnets but sadly, no. However, I managed to sharpen my perspective-taking ability especially during sculpting. My struggle to mold and shape the clay into an egg helped me appreciate all the labour that Auguste (Rodin) must have expended to achieve mastery.
On Kindness
George Sanders teaches creative writing at Syracuse University. His debut novel “Lincoln in the Bardo” won the 2017 Man Booker Prize. He is included in Time list of the one hundred most influential people in the world.
In “Congratulations … By the Way – Some thoughts on Kindness” based on his Class of 2013 convocation address at his university, Professor Saunders shares a poignant story about a new kid named “Ellen” in his 7th Grade and why to this day, he still remembers her.
Some thoughts on Kindness for Graduates
He also asks:
“Why aren’t we kinder?
Apparently we have three “built-in confusions”:
“We’re central to our universe.” Our story is the only story that matters.
“We’re separate from the universe.” – There’s “Us” and then the rest of them.
“We’re permanent.” – You’re going to die but I’m not me.
2. “How do we become kinder?”
Professor Saunders: “Kindness is hard. … Becoming kinder happens naturally with age. As we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish… We get our butts kicked and people come to the rescue and we’re not that separate and we don’t want to be. Most people, as they age, become less selfish and more loving.” Right, Boomers?
I’ll admit I am full of envy whenever I’m talking to someone half my age. They have so much more ahead of them, so many opportunities, and so many days left. I remind them how fortunate they are. Time is on their side. George Saunders (and I) want them to know that “your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving: Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now.”
I am both a public speaker and a
writer. But that’s not what it says on my LinkedIn Profile nor my C.V. I have
not eked out a living from doing what I love. Not Yet. Practice. Practice. Practice.
But I have a group of Grade 12 students to thank for helping me realize who I
am.
Photo Credit: Dana Wagner
I’ve not spent much time with high
school students aside from shopping trips with my now 21-year old niece. So
when I walked into the Toronto Public Library a week ago to deliver a talk
about entrepreneurship, all I saw were arms and legs, long limbs everywhere.
They’re so tall. Who are they? Have
they come to hear me speak? “No, we’re studying Grade 12 English. Our teacher
is just outside the room.” I was concerned that no one would show up for my
talk so I persuaded them to stay.
As I clicked through my slides – “The Romance of Entrepreneurship” followed by “The Reality of Entrepreneurship”, I paused and shared the story of the demise of my small business. I saw their eyes widen as if I had just poured a bucket of ice water over their heads. I had not realized that I’ve become inured to telling my story about the cold, cruel, and crushing reality of losing a livelihood (my livelihood) and that my Grade 12 students, not even 18 years old, were listening.
They said, “You scared us. No one has ever talked to us like this.”
Followed by tenderness, “Are you ok?”
With heartstrings stretched, then snapped, I answered wholeheartedly! “Yes, I’m ok. Don’t worry. Life is grand.”
I later received a text from
Justin.L. that day: “Thank you for the
inspiration. Despite I’ve always wanted to go in the medical/science field, it
opened my eyes to something I’ve never really given a lot of thought to.
Thanks!”
I replied, “Thank YOU!”
When you say you want to make a difference, choose your words wisely. Be mindful, be respectful, and be compassionate in the public space and in your space. The responsibility is real and the impact can be more powerful than you’ve ever dreamed. I am both a public speaker and a writer… and a lifelong learner.
Toronto Reference Library Beeton Hall JULY 18, 2019
In the Library World, decency, diversity, and
dignity reside. When you step up to the Library desk and ask a Librarian
anything, you are gold. Last Thursday night I spoke in front of eighty-two library
patrons. This is a community I’ve come to know and love locally and world-wide.
As I adjusted my lapel microphone and tested the clicker for my slides, I wondered how they would respond. Will they feel safe to share their own stories? New to public speaking, the risk of being unable to connect with audiences is great. It happens. I am outside my comfort zone as I scanned their faces – younger, older, fresh out of school, from a kaleidoscope of countries in anticipation of what I was about to say. I took stock of their body language. The moment of truth has arrived. Like a Swiss army knife, I searched for “the right tools, the right words” to set the stage and with a deep breath, I started.
“So you already made up your mind whether you like me or not.” And they laughed as I breathed out and smiled. A few frowned with disapproval while others nodded with empathy. That night our library patrons were keen, wanting to be heard and sharing their experiences. Their questions stirred debate and I was thrilled with their engagement.
I am reminded of Stephen R. Covey’s quote in his “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. “Valuing our differences is the essence of synergy…. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.”
And my topic? “Network: Anywhere Anytime with Anyone”, a unique perspective on meeting new people … in real life #IRL while decency, diversity, and dignity lives on at the Library.
When did you last visit your public library branch? DYK our libraries create opportunities to learn, engage, and build new relationships, forming new communities?
Have you observed the patrons who go in and out the doors? It was closing time last night #bloorgladstone . I let the last patron go ahead of me on my way out. Where will he go next with his belongings overflowing in his small cart?
Most mornings, I head for the 4th floor #torontoreferencelibrary to get my key for “The Writer’s Room” to learn more👉 https://bit.ly/2JpHlJw I walk past another regular patron. I see him because he is always at “his table” face down with his belongings scattered around him. I try to find small ways to help – food, some small token of hope. For us, the Library is home, office, a safe space to rest, to create, to be.
Since 2013 I have the privilege of collaborating with #torontolibrary . I try my best to #payitforward because the Library has given me much more than I could possibly hope to give back. #abundance#gratitude
