If there’s anything this pandemic has given us besides uncertainty, it’s the gift of time. How did you spend your time over the past two years?
Was it time well spent? Did you become laser focused on what’s important? You already knew. Did you rise and fall (many times) getting lost in the ebbs and flow of uncertainty? Or did you reach out and connect with someone to see if they were all right?
What the world needs now and always is connectivity, not the virtual kind but the humankind.
“When we meet face to face, we become human. We lift each other up. We need this.” – Rev. Cecil Williams, Pastor
Technology can be a beautiful thing. I taught my 91-year-old Mom to video call me on her shiny new red iPhone XR. My 92-year-old Dad wanted to touch my face on the screen. We laugh a lot.
We celebrated one hundred days since the birth of my good friends’ beautiful baby boy and raised a glass of Prosecco in one hand and waved at the faces in the little Zoom tiles.
We celebrated the life of our faraway dear friend in Malaysia last week and recorded a message for her to hear in her final days.
And we, colleagues and students, are about to celebrate two years of online teaching next month! Has it really been two years?
Some may ask, what is there to celebrate? Will Covid continue to lurk in the shadows as we make our way onto flights and visit Level 4 countries? How much risk are we willing to take when we share a coffee with a friend or colleague, hug family, or hold the hand of someone suffering?
Human and Virtual Connectivity
Thirty (!) years ago, I was in the computer lab at University of Calgary, updating my resume. I had just returned from a three-year posting in Sulawesi with the University of Guelph and Global Affairs. A young man peered at my monitor and asked, “Do you speak Bahasa Indonesia?” And I answered “Bisa! (Yes, I can!)
That was the beginning of our long-term friendship. His Mom cooked me Indonesian food and he now is in San Francisco. We stay connected with visits and chats and have lively discussions about life in the time of COVID.
Recently he shared with me Conor Neill’s Sep 2020 video on two ways of approaching life, “Freedom from or Freedom to” and also on “making a choice or decision”. Professor Neill, who teaches leadership at the global IESE Business School in Barcelona, has explained with great clarity about the distinction in both. Tune in as he asks:
Do you want to live your life merely to survive and removing pain or live your life making choices with confidence?
Do you want to choose and take full responsibility and commit to making your decisions work or do you want to continually validate and justify the decisions you’ve made and say it wasn’t the core of me that has failed?
I believe wholeheartedly in “freedom to …” and choosing confidently, all in, 100%. Go celebrate! Go for coffee, maybe with someone new! Go hug and smile! Hold both hands, touch a heart, connect a soul.
We love “random collisions” and meeting new people!
Dream Network Drop-in No. 18 at the Art Gallery of Ontario March 11, 2020
How It Works
The Dream Network Drop-in is a fun, free, friendly, and no-frills approach to speed-networking once a month. We are a curated audience, i.e. by invite only. It’s easy! If you’d like more information and an invite to our next Dream Network Drop-in No. 33 on Wednesday May 26, 2021 18:00-19:30 EST, please contact Jean Chow at [email protected] . And yes, you can add friends! Just email Jean!
Pre-COVID, we met at the Art Gallery of Toronto or Assembly Chef’s Hall, both located downtown Toronto, usually with 30 – 40 members in attendance.
Given the extraordinary circumstances of COVID-19, our highly diverse Dream Network Drop-ins are now being held virtually on Zoom with 20 to 50 members attending. In 90 minutes, we would go through 4 rounds of introducing new people, 1 on 1, and you would have 10-minutes each round in breakout rooms to get to know one another.
Post COVID, we’ll continue to host both virtual events and in-person events.
How We Started
We started the Dream Network Drop-in as a “social experiment” after I was invited by University of Toronto School of Continuing Studies to design and deliver “Hacking the Networking Code now titled “Fearless Networking: Connecting Creatively and Confidently” on July 8, 2017. At that time, my “secret outcome” was creating a new network for our learners by the end of the workshop. Also after our all-day workshop (yes, I can talk about networking for 7 hours!), I saw the need for a physical (and now virtual) safe space for our lifelong learners to practice their newly-minted networking skills.
So the Dream Network Drop-in was launched April 28, 2018 as a think tank with six members! Now 450+ member strong, we continue to build and grow our Network organically by inviting young professionals, former students, emerging and recent graduates, early to mid-careerists, mentees, and adult learners from all over the world.
May 2021 NEWS FLASH – Dream Network Drop-in is now a case study in recently published “Organization Theory and Design” Chapter 4 by University of Toronto Rotman Professor Ann Armstrong and her colleague, Richard L. Daft.
Organization Theory and Design Published by CENGAGE
Who are these VIPS, Very Important People? Where are they? And why do you want to connect with them? Are you looking for a job or maybe your DREAM JOB? From their perspective, they want to know who you are and most importantly, why should they give you their time. How do you speak up?
If you are looking for your DREAM JOB, consider the help of a top professional recruiter. Mike Fedryk, my good squash friend and President of Flex-Solutions, a Toronto recruitment firm focusing on people and technology, is a regular and very popular guest speaker for our students. Not only does he share a unique perspective, he also is very generous in providing invaluable job search and interview tips and tricks
Mike: “You need to tell me who you are and what you are looking for in the opening third portion of the first page of your resume for me to continue reading the rest of your resume.”
Speak to Me – With Your LinkedIn Profile
If you are looking for your Dream Job, consider connecting with employees who already work for your “Dream Employer” on LinkedIn. How do you connect with a stranger? Try reverse engineering and start with a search with your Alumni. Find a first or second connection who works with your Dream Employer. Add a concise, clear, and compelling note. Invite them to link in you’re not already connected and always add a note. Nick Boyd, Senior Marketing Coordinator at KPMG, and also one of our guest speakers created the following simple self-intro template:
Speak to Me – On Our Website
If you are looking for your Dream Job, consider offering your skills as a volunteer to help the charity your Dream Employer supports. You can usually find out on their website. Connect with the person who is on your Dream Employer’s team and who leads the foundation or projects associated with their charity of choice. Tell them who you are, what you are looking for, and how you can help with their charity. Be authentic and relevant. Can you help them build, market, plan, lead an initiative? Stand out. Meet their Board of Directors of both the charity and your Dream Employer.
Speak to Me – On My Channel
When you initiate any form of communication, did you know it’s your responsibility to ensure your listener understands fully what you are saying? To have a meaningful connection, you have to find the right channel and the right frequency so both of you can tune in. How? By simply asking the other person which channel is best and most convenient for them – email, text, phone, video conference, and when.
If they are in senior executive roles, thought leaders, or entrepreneurs, find out where they are active for e.g. LinkedIn articles and posts, their company blog, notable industry platforms where they’ve been invited as a guest author, keynote speaker, or guest panelist whether they are at a conference or an industry event or quoted in a publication. You can also comment or ask a good question during a virtual event in the chat.
And if the person happens to be your Dad who hates wearing his hearing aids indoors, you not only have to find the right channel but also the right frequency in order for him to not only understand you but also hear you! What do you do when he already has his menu of monologues prepared in advance … and he won’t let you get a word in over the phone?
We rarely jump on a video call because they don’t have internet so it’s only when my siblings are visiting them. Last night instead of yelling louder, I decided to try another channel – analog. I grabbed my Sharpie and post-it notes and created flashcards, holding them up in front of the camera for Dad to read. He was very amused and didn’t miss a beat. Finding the right channel made a world of difference for us both.
Post-it notes with Dad
In our highly interactive networking workshops and courses offered both live online and in-person, “Speak Up” is Hack #3 of the “Five Hacks for Fearless Networking”. We focus on the importance of small talk, building rapport, and asking good questions using improv in individual, pair, and group activities.
So whether you are an aspiring networker or a seasoned connector, you will discover new and strategic ways to network in “Fearless Networking” at University of Toronto School of Continuing Studies. Reserve your spot starting at 10:00AM EST March 13th for three consecutive Saturday morning 90-minute live webinar sessions. AND you’ll get to put your new networking skill into practice at the invite-only monthly “Dream Network Drop-in” on Thursday March 25th at 18:00 EST. Find out more and register now to connect creatively and confidently. Or speak to me at [email protected] .
Jean is a part-time Sessional Lecturer and Instructor. She teaches online and off-line courses in networking, advanced career management, and leadership at University of Toronto, Ryerson University, and Seneca College. She also leads networking workshops for corporate clients and not-for-profits. As a business-career coach, Jean works closely with recent graduates, career-changers, and entrepreneurs and helps them realize and recognize their potential.
Last Friday night, we were three women left standing,
or dare I say, “swimming” in our community centre’s pool out of twelve who had
started in “Older Adult Swim One” (very tentative beginners) nine weeks ago.
Like a wet bathing suit, my fear of water still
clung to me. But that night, it felt different. The water was warm, almost
inviting after coming out of the cold. The pool was all ours. The other classes
finished a week earlier. So peaceful, so calm, and under the watchful eye of
Andrew, our Gen Z instructor, we got to practice on anything we wanted.
We all tread water for awhile, arms and legs going
off in all directions, different speeds, awkward motions with our life jackets
on until we tired out.
Then while the others were swimming, I tried to float
(again) on my back. I tried everything during these nine Friday lessons.
Missing a few didn’t help. I floated with the noodle, that lengthy lifeline.
I tried to float without the noodle still gripping
tightly to the pool edge with one hand and then letting go. I tried
visualization but this jack knife pose sunk me. I tried positive self talk but I
had too much on my mind. I tried to relax but I kept breathing at the wrong time
so that water kept going up my nose.
Then I stopped trying so hard and resorted to a
silent prayer. “Please if there is a God, let me float even for 2 seconds.” I let
go of the edge and I finally felt this odd sensation for first 2 seconds,
then again for 3 seconds. Was this floating? I could hear cheers from my swim-mates
and Andrew. “You did it!” I did? I did! Funny how moving towards your goal can
feel so empowering and motivating even for two seconds. I walked out of the
pool wondering when I could get back in again to experiment and try again.
My Swim Report Card
I did jump into the deep end!
Our “report cards” were displayed on the table as we exited. We should have given Andrew a medal for bravery. He survived teaching adults for the first time. My swim mates perfected their kicking and gliding. We all had our small victories. But as in all victories, it is the journey we revel and relish. We started out as strangers, four generations – Gen X, Y, Z plus Boomer, as equals in a learning environment that made us braver, friendlier, and kinder. #whenweallwinweallwin
A swim in
the pool is no walk in the park especially when you’re absolutely terrified of
water.
Be Fearless – Mind over Matter
Fear has staked a claim in my mind the size of an Olympic swimming pool. Oddly I’ve snorkeled in Cuba and Bali, shot the noisy rapids in Stanley Mission, Northern Saskatchewan, punted leisurely along the River Thames in Oxford, sailed on a Hobie Cat off the coast of Zanzibar, water-skied in hippo-inhabited Lake Kariba, Zambia, and splashed about in a swimming pool in Sulawesi. Clearly there’s a huge disconnect – what I fear, how I think, and what I do -but fear is fear.
Mine is a life long fear I haven’t yet controlled as it has taken up long term residence in my mind. But I’m ready now for transformation and here are three lessons I’ve learned along the way:
Lifesaving Lesson No. 1 – Don’t go from zero to hero! Find cheerleaders.
Registration for Adult Swim Level 1 at our recently renovated community center pool was imminent and at a very reasonable cost. I could hear my Mom reminding me, “Remember, you get what you pay for.” I registered.
As I snapped my brilliant orange flotation belt snugly around my waist, I suspected that the real price I was about to pay was much higher as I slid into the pool and my life flashed before me. I clung vise-like to the edge of the pool, to the rope that separated the lanes, to my instructor’s arm, to anything and anyone within reach.
But when the water began to worm its way into my ears, my heartbeat rose rapidly from 60 to 600. Panic! I cannot see. My eyes are shut so tight that I cannot hear. I’m going deaf, too? Is this possible?
The water wound its way up my nose and into my goggles. Now my eyes are swimming but not me. I’ve stopped breathing. I sputtered. I choked. “I am a rock.” Simon & Garfunkel are in the pool, too? My heart sunk as does my body. I’ve failed. Again.
These damn goggles were so tight and any common sense I once had have now been squeezed out. Flipping my goggles up and down, up and down, and my fingers like windshield wipers, swiping i\intermittently in and out, in and out, all resolve has faded away. My classmates’ arms and legs turned into windmills whipping about and now the water has transformed into tsunamis. Time to declare a state of emergency. But they don’t.
Suddenly I heard The Marvelous Ms. M! “Jean! Bend your knees. Go on. Slightly bend your knees first. Then tilt your head back. Relax. Breathe. Feel the water around your ears, your face. Then let go.” Really? Is that all there is to it? I can do this.
And I did … if only for ONE long second. Discouraged, I wanted to quit but my cheerleader, The Marvelous Ms. M, wouldn’t let me and that is how I found myself one week later, muttering, “Make friends with the water.”
Lifesaving Lesson No. 2 – Have a positive mental attitude. Make friends with Fear.
Changing one’s mindset is no mean feat but my mantra “Make friends with the water” stuck with me as I walked to the pool last Friday. Smile. Positive mental attitude. Shake hands with the water. Tame the water dragon wreaking havoc within me. I told myself as I would tell my networking students: “Be like Yoda. Be fearless!”
I summoned all the courage I had. I set an intention. I prepared for a realistic outcome. Remember Lesson No. 1 – don’t be a hero. Just get used to the feel of the water. I don’t have to float on my back … not just yet. Let the water fall around my ears and on my face. It doesn’t feel too bad. Breathe out and not in especially while under water. Repeat my key words – relax, calm, gentle. Breathe. Believe.
Our young instructor handed out weighted colourful rings to be dropped to the bottom of the pool for us to retrieve. Do I have to keep my eyes open? The Marvelous Ms. M laughed. “You’re hilarious!”It was messy but I did it 3 times. It didn’t look pretty because the belt kept me bobbing while grabbing. And I still haven’t learned how to laugh under water yet.
Time to float on our backs. I could see my key words floating above my head. I still have the belt on. We flip over to float on our stomachs and I heard The Marvelous Ms. M say my name. I stood up and shouted, “I must still be alive because I heard you!” Everyone laughed. I relaxed.
Next up was the flutter kick. Grip the mini “surfboard”. Try not to leave indentations. Kick kick kick. I have squash legs. No problem. I yelled over to The Marvelous Ms. M. “I’m a duck!” What fun until I swallowed some water after I said “duck” and inhaled more water through my nose. What the … duck?
We move to the edge of the pool, shallow end, of course. Pushing off on our side with one arm extended, resting on our “surfboard”, we flutter kicked on our side. More bobbing with my belt and I started to roll as if I was in a kayak. Not pretty again but I’m not ready to part with my belt…not yet.
Our instructor wanted us to try swimming “free style”. He has already forgotten. Some of us still can’t float, flutter kick, nor glide. His voice is calm and soothing. Maybe he can hypnotize me as he shows us how to keep our faces in the water. I can do this. VERY important – don’t breathe in. Straight knees and kick kick kick. But what do I do with my arms? Pretend you’re Michael Phelps, he grinned. My ears must be clogged. “Michael Phelps? Where?” He added, “And did you know your arms don’t move at the same speed as your legs?” Really? No kidding. How do we know what we don’t know?
The final few minutes we learned the do’s and don’ts of wearing a life jacket. This I thankfully know. Before we parted, my classmates agreed to reward ourselves with a glass of wine next week… incentive and positive reinforcement, this I know, too.
But before our next swim lesson, I need to and want to practice. Maybe the glass of wine is the much-needed incentive.
Lifesaving Lesson #3: Practice Practice Practice – 20 hours vs 10,000 hours – good enough or mastery?
Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book “Outliers – The Story of Success”, “10,000 hours is the magic number to become world-class in any field.” although he also said the rule doesn’t apply to sports. Whereas in Josh Kaufman’s book “The First 20 Hours … How to Learn Anything Fast”, the author focuses on rapid skill acquisition. Our swim lessons are once a week for an hour over 9 weeks so we have two additional hours for practice.
I made it to “Leisure Swim” yesterday and logged in 20 minutes of practice. I found motivation while getting tips from the young lifeguards on duty and so empathetic, kind, and professional … AND they kept an eye on me.
One old enough to be my grandson told me to make a star so I visualized a starfish. “Arc your back!” I faltered and floundered but I kept trying. I finally found myself floating on my back, a starfish gazing into the overhead lights. I saw stars.
Am I ready now to try without the belt? It’s not as easy as it looks but I floated … for TWO long seconds. “Fill your lungs with air, Jean.” Like a balloon? He nodded. But do I hold my breath? Is that how it works? “Inhale lots of air quickly and exhale slowly.” This makes sense.
My newly adopted grandson/lifeguard reassured me that he’ll be working next weekend. Sweet! An accountability partner! And although it was fleeting, I had a small taste of victory in those two seconds. What would ten seconds feel like? Feel the fear … and do it anyway.®
Being in nature sure has its benefits. We early birds, 1,400 in total, were treated to brilliant storytelling by University of Toronto alumni, Malcolm Gladwell, at Convocation Hall as part of the Big Speakers Series hosted by Rotman School of Management on October 1, 2019 at 8:00am. Heather Reisman, CEO Indigo, also got up early to interview him.
Malcolm Gladwell University of Toronto Rotman School of Mgt Oct 1, 2019
However signing 1,400 copies of his new book “Talking to Strangers” would have been daunting but we still had our copy unsigned in hand. And of course, we had our talk.
As I exited Convo Hall, I revelled in the beautiful morning light wishing I had my DSLR camera. I chose the longer, leafier route along King’s College Circle en route to the subway.
Then I spotted him, slipping out the back door! People nodded politely and he nodded back. But no nodding for me! I quickly scurried from behind and shouted, “Malcolm!” I was loud and clear. So loud and clear with my big booming voice.
He stopped. I smiled. I asked. “Would you please sign your book for me?” We walked. He asked my name… no time for a senior moment. He scribbled.
In the next 20 seconds, I told him I quoted him often about rapid cognition from his book, “Blink – The Power of Thinking Without Thinking” in my networking workshops which I teach at U of T School of Continuing Studies.
He grinned. I thanked. We parted. “Have a nice day!” And then I said, “Damn, I should have called you “Mr. Malcolm errrr … Mr. Gladwell”. He grinned again and walked away, disappearing into the still beautiful morning light.
