Last Friday night, we were three women left standing,
or dare I say, “swimming” in our community centre’s pool out of twelve who had
started in “Older Adult Swim One” (very tentative beginners) nine weeks ago.
Like a wet bathing suit, my fear of water still
clung to me. But that night, it felt different. The water was warm, almost
inviting after coming out of the cold. The pool was all ours. The other classes
finished a week earlier. So peaceful, so calm, and under the watchful eye of
Andrew, our Gen Z instructor, we got to practice on anything we wanted.
We all tread water for awhile, arms and legs going
off in all directions, different speeds, awkward motions with our life jackets
on until we tired out.
Then while the others were swimming, I tried to float
(again) on my back. I tried everything during these nine Friday lessons.
Missing a few didn’t help. I floated with the noodle, that lengthy lifeline.
I tried to float without the noodle still gripping
tightly to the pool edge with one hand and then letting go. I tried
visualization but this jack knife pose sunk me. I tried positive self talk but I
had too much on my mind. I tried to relax but I kept breathing at the wrong time
so that water kept going up my nose.
Then I stopped trying so hard and resorted to a
silent prayer. “Please if there is a God, let me float even for 2 seconds.” I let
go of the edge and I finally felt this odd sensation for first 2 seconds,
then again for 3 seconds. Was this floating? I could hear cheers from my swim-mates
and Andrew. “You did it!” I did? I did! Funny how moving towards your goal can
feel so empowering and motivating even for two seconds. I walked out of the
pool wondering when I could get back in again to experiment and try again.
My Swim Report Card
I did jump into the deep end!
Our “report cards” were displayed on the table as we exited. We should have given Andrew a medal for bravery. He survived teaching adults for the first time. My swim mates perfected their kicking and gliding. We all had our small victories. But as in all victories, it is the journey we revel and relish. We started out as strangers, four generations – Gen X, Y, Z plus Boomer, as equals in a learning environment that made us braver, friendlier, and kinder. #whenweallwinweallwin
A swim in
the pool is no walk in the park especially when you’re absolutely terrified of
water.
Be Fearless – Mind over Matter
Fear has staked a claim in my mind the size of an Olympic swimming pool. Oddly I’ve snorkeled in Cuba and Bali, shot the noisy rapids in Stanley Mission, Northern Saskatchewan, punted leisurely along the River Thames in Oxford, sailed on a Hobie Cat off the coast of Zanzibar, water-skied in hippo-inhabited Lake Kariba, Zambia, and splashed about in a swimming pool in Sulawesi. Clearly there’s a huge disconnect – what I fear, how I think, and what I do -but fear is fear.
Mine is a life long fear I haven’t yet controlled as it has taken up long term residence in my mind. But I’m ready now for transformation and here are three lessons I’ve learned along the way:
Lifesaving Lesson No. 1 – Don’t go from zero to hero! Find cheerleaders.
Registration for Adult Swim Level 1 at our recently renovated community center pool was imminent and at a very reasonable cost. I could hear my Mom reminding me, “Remember, you get what you pay for.” I registered.
As I snapped my brilliant orange flotation belt snugly around my waist, I suspected that the real price I was about to pay was much higher as I slid into the pool and my life flashed before me. I clung vise-like to the edge of the pool, to the rope that separated the lanes, to my instructor’s arm, to anything and anyone within reach.
But when the water began to worm its way into my ears, my heartbeat rose rapidly from 60 to 600. Panic! I cannot see. My eyes are shut so tight that I cannot hear. I’m going deaf, too? Is this possible?
The water wound its way up my nose and into my goggles. Now my eyes are swimming but not me. I’ve stopped breathing. I sputtered. I choked. “I am a rock.” Simon & Garfunkel are in the pool, too? My heart sunk as does my body. I’ve failed. Again.
These damn goggles were so tight and any common sense I once had have now been squeezed out. Flipping my goggles up and down, up and down, and my fingers like windshield wipers, swiping i\intermittently in and out, in and out, all resolve has faded away. My classmates’ arms and legs turned into windmills whipping about and now the water has transformed into tsunamis. Time to declare a state of emergency. But they don’t.
Suddenly I heard The Marvelous Ms. M! “Jean! Bend your knees. Go on. Slightly bend your knees first. Then tilt your head back. Relax. Breathe. Feel the water around your ears, your face. Then let go.” Really? Is that all there is to it? I can do this.
And I did … if only for ONE long second. Discouraged, I wanted to quit but my cheerleader, The Marvelous Ms. M, wouldn’t let me and that is how I found myself one week later, muttering, “Make friends with the water.”
Lifesaving Lesson No. 2 – Have a positive mental attitude. Make friends with Fear.
Changing one’s mindset is no mean feat but my mantra “Make friends with the water” stuck with me as I walked to the pool last Friday. Smile. Positive mental attitude. Shake hands with the water. Tame the water dragon wreaking havoc within me. I told myself as I would tell my networking students: “Be like Yoda. Be fearless!”
I summoned all the courage I had. I set an intention. I prepared for a realistic outcome. Remember Lesson No. 1 – don’t be a hero. Just get used to the feel of the water. I don’t have to float on my back … not just yet. Let the water fall around my ears and on my face. It doesn’t feel too bad. Breathe out and not in especially while under water. Repeat my key words – relax, calm, gentle. Breathe. Believe.
Our young instructor handed out weighted colourful rings to be dropped to the bottom of the pool for us to retrieve. Do I have to keep my eyes open? The Marvelous Ms. M laughed. “You’re hilarious!”It was messy but I did it 3 times. It didn’t look pretty because the belt kept me bobbing while grabbing. And I still haven’t learned how to laugh under water yet.
Time to float on our backs. I could see my key words floating above my head. I still have the belt on. We flip over to float on our stomachs and I heard The Marvelous Ms. M say my name. I stood up and shouted, “I must still be alive because I heard you!” Everyone laughed. I relaxed.
Next up was the flutter kick. Grip the mini “surfboard”. Try not to leave indentations. Kick kick kick. I have squash legs. No problem. I yelled over to The Marvelous Ms. M. “I’m a duck!” What fun until I swallowed some water after I said “duck” and inhaled more water through my nose. What the … duck?
We move to the edge of the pool, shallow end, of course. Pushing off on our side with one arm extended, resting on our “surfboard”, we flutter kicked on our side. More bobbing with my belt and I started to roll as if I was in a kayak. Not pretty again but I’m not ready to part with my belt…not yet.
Our instructor wanted us to try swimming “free style”. He has already forgotten. Some of us still can’t float, flutter kick, nor glide. His voice is calm and soothing. Maybe he can hypnotize me as he shows us how to keep our faces in the water. I can do this. VERY important – don’t breathe in. Straight knees and kick kick kick. But what do I do with my arms? Pretend you’re Michael Phelps, he grinned. My ears must be clogged. “Michael Phelps? Where?” He added, “And did you know your arms don’t move at the same speed as your legs?” Really? No kidding. How do we know what we don’t know?
The final few minutes we learned the do’s and don’ts of wearing a life jacket. This I thankfully know. Before we parted, my classmates agreed to reward ourselves with a glass of wine next week… incentive and positive reinforcement, this I know, too.
But before our next swim lesson, I need to and want to practice. Maybe the glass of wine is the much-needed incentive.
Lifesaving Lesson #3: Practice Practice Practice – 20 hours vs 10,000 hours – good enough or mastery?
Malcolm Gladwell wrote in his book “Outliers – The Story of Success”, “10,000 hours is the magic number to become world-class in any field.” although he also said the rule doesn’t apply to sports. Whereas in Josh Kaufman’s book “The First 20 Hours … How to Learn Anything Fast”, the author focuses on rapid skill acquisition. Our swim lessons are once a week for an hour over 9 weeks so we have two additional hours for practice.
I made it to “Leisure Swim” yesterday and logged in 20 minutes of practice. I found motivation while getting tips from the young lifeguards on duty and so empathetic, kind, and professional … AND they kept an eye on me.
One old enough to be my grandson told me to make a star so I visualized a starfish. “Arc your back!” I faltered and floundered but I kept trying. I finally found myself floating on my back, a starfish gazing into the overhead lights. I saw stars.
Am I ready now to try without the belt? It’s not as easy as it looks but I floated … for TWO long seconds. “Fill your lungs with air, Jean.” Like a balloon? He nodded. But do I hold my breath? Is that how it works? “Inhale lots of air quickly and exhale slowly.” This makes sense.
My newly adopted grandson/lifeguard reassured me that he’ll be working next weekend. Sweet! An accountability partner! And although it was fleeting, I had a small taste of victory in those two seconds. What would ten seconds feel like? Feel the fear … and do it anyway.®
Anyone notice the power red shoes on the #TelusPitch2019 Competition stage this past Tuesday? RED is the colour of power, passion, purpose, and at times, politics.
Why Wear Red
At a another event, I noticed this shimmering, slick red lipstick worn by one of my colleagues. We swapped lipstick intel – Hers “Outlaw Brick Red” by Kat Von D and mine? “Ruby Woo” by Mac.
Ruby Woo Mac Lipstick
In “Social Media Strategy” class a couple of years ago, my classmate and I presented a clever social media campaign for a designer lipstick. To our surprise, we noticed that we were all wearing “Ruby Woo” in class. “Ruby” made it up to Everest Base Camp with our classmate. #WhyWearRed ? Power – Passion – Purpose – Politics
So when I read Erika Thorkelson’s article “Why Wearing Lipstick Is a Small Act of Joyful Resistance” in a Canadian periodical, “The Walrus” and shared it immediately with The Lipstick Ladies. “Lipstick is unapologetically feminine. That’s what makes it so rebellious.” – the author’s powerful tagline.
Women in Red
Vivian Maier
RED gives women a visual voice. RED means business and you had better listen. Vivian Maier, affectionately aka the Nanny Photographer, captured countless photographs including this book cover. Her intriguing life story as an unknown yet brilliant street photographer can be found in a permanent collection in the Chicago History Museum.
For the Telus event, I went with a “Normal Business Navy” dress for networking and added a dash of “Ruby Woo” which, at the time, seemed appropriate.
I ought to know because for the past couple of years, I’ve been teaching, talking about, living and breathing networking. I felt confident as I strolled through the big glass corporate doors. As I scanned the crowd, I took a quick pulse check on the energy in the room and found it to be somewhat frenetic. Then a series of faux pas started to unravel.
Faux Pas #1
The first person I recognized was already heading towards me. She had interviewed me for an business blog seven years ago. Excited to reconnect, I reached out to greet her but as she approached, she looked me in the eye as I acknowledged her name. But then suddenly, she turned and walked away. I was gob-smacked with my handshake extended and hanging in thin air. Maybe she didn’t hear me. Maybe she didn’t recognize me. Maybe she just didn’t care. But she definitely saw me. Could this happen to one of my students? How do I prepare them for situations like this? Mental note: Sometimes you need a thicker skin for networking. I continued to wind my way in and then saw someone else I knew.
Faux Pas #2
After a courteous exchange, she introduced me to her colleague standing beside her. We also made eye contact but then it happened again. After a quick “hello”, she immediately turned her back on me and started looking for someone else. That was impressive. She didn’t need Malcolm Gladwell’s requisite two seconds for rapid cognition. She made up her mind in one “hello” whether she liked me or not. That’s one topic we do cover in our workshop.
Faux Pas #3
Undaunted third time lucky maybe, I tried once again to engage with another tech entrepreneur. This time no eye contact as her eyes shifted, a telltale sign wanting to escape. I mentioned that I heard the bar was about to close so that she could bolt away… and she did.
I grinned to myself, thinking how ironic it was to be struggling to communicate at telecommunications event! “Hel-lo?” Was I a little rusty in “reading the room” which was full of people admittedly half my age or dare I say more than half? Were my expectations unrealistic, outdated? How would my students weather these awkward situations? What would they have done in my shoes? Maybe swap them the “Normal Business Navy” for the “Power RED”. But as always, the universe unfolded as it should as I perssisted and eventually stumbled upon a few good people.
The Bartender told me about a music app that allowed people to tip musicians after I inquired about a tip jar for the bartenders because none were present. Maybe no one carries cash and maybe no one cares which is truly unfortunate and sad for those earning a living in the food and beverage industry.
The Undergrad Student shared how her background in training as a former ballerina helped her develop exceptional time management skills and as a result, helped her get her summer job with her employer, a start-up sponsor of the event. She reminded me fondly of my speed-skating niece and I invited her our Dream Network, a coffee drop-in for diverse and curious minds.
The Emerging Entrepreneur who sat in the row behind me and told me how her knees shook during the first round of the Pitch Competition. But she was deeply grateful for the experience. She is developing an app to help fund African Millennials to see the world. I also invited her to our Dream Network.
And as the event wrapped up, I heard the Master of Ceremonies call out onto the stage a familiar name. Hey, I know him, my super-nice-guy squash friend whom I haven’t seen in six years! My squash pro always said “all roads lead to squash” … even if it is at the end of the road.
I made a quick note to self for my next networking workshop – Remember RED, the colour of power, passion, purpose. and politics. RED can also give you that bit of extra push to get you outside your comfort zone. And even if it is only the colour of your lipstick, you are “unapologetically feminine and … rebellious!”
“Stranger danger” is a catchy phrase coined by Keith Rollag in his 2015 book, “What To Do When You’re New”. It’s what some people experience whenever walking into a room full of strangers at a conference, event, or meet up.
Of course, there’s that nagging added pressure from your boss, reminding you to “make good connections”.
Susan Jeffers, the Guru of Fear, was an American psychologist and in her popular 2011 book , “Feel the Fear … and Do It Anyway, she delves into the different types of fear and how to handle them.
So what’s the price you’re willing to pay by not introducing yourself to someone new who could help with information that might lead to a first job, a new job, a change in career so that you can do something passionate day in, day out?
And what’s the price you’re willing to pay by not walking up to someone who could be a potential mentor and shaking hands and instead you end up staying lost in a sea of indecision and quandary?
What’s the price you’re willing to pay by not meeting and greeting potential clients who could become your clients so that you can turn your business around?
That price is steep. How can the power of conversation help you connect better with someone new? “Fearless Networking: Connecting Creatively and Confidently” is our half-day professional skill-building workshop at the University of Toronto School of Continuing Studies and open to everyone! Learn how our “Five Hacks for Powerful Networking” can help you handle “stranger danger”. We’ll also take a closer look at your current network and learn how to make it more effective. Why not register and jump in on a Saturday morning session – Feb 23rd or Jun 15th? Discover and then boost your networking IQ!
After 10 years #grit in audit #superpowerskill and armed with an accounting diploma #grit and an incomplete final CPA #failure , I left my hometown, Moose Jaw, then Regina and Saskatoon for Zambia #fortune #fun!
Lessons learned from those Audit Years: a) how to count cattle #fun ; b) how to count drums of yellow cake #fear #fun; c) how to count my lucky stars to be paid handsomely #fortune for an African adventure #fun.
I was a Project Accountant, an aid worker, for 2 years on a wheat research project (how to count seeds, just kidding) and competed as a member of the Zambian Women’s Squash Team #grit #superpowerskills #fun. “Where are you from?” came up often in Kenya, Tanzania, Zimbabwe, Malawi, and on the Zambian Copperbelt: Kitwe, Ndola, and Lusaka. I learned it was much easier to say “Konichiwa” which made everyone was happy.
I left Zambia and saw more of this wide world #fortune #fun : Down Under, Thailand, France, England, France, then landed in Ottawa. It was time to replenish my “inventory”. After 18 months of financial analyzing, I could see a new business language emerging. So I quit #fortune , loaded up my Honda Civic, and drove across Canada #grit #fun to study Mandarin #superpowerskill in Vancouver, a winter with a lot of rain. #grit
Another irresistible offer came along to work overseas, this time across the Pacific in Ujung Pandang, Sulawesi, Indonesia. Not such a tough choice – starving, not-so-mature student versus handsomely paid adventurer #FailureFollowedByFortune #fun
More lessons learned: Losing is winning #FailureFollowedByFortune like losing my toughest squash match in Harare #grit but leaving it my all on the court; losing is winning after marrying someone you’ve outgrown and divorcing quickly, painfully, wisely #FailureFollowedByFortune; losing is winning after left holding the bag as a whistle blower, knowing right from wrong #superpowerskill having to walk away from my home in Indonesia and personal belongings #grit and then being saved one year later by good friends, friends for life #FailureFollowedByFortune
Enter my sweet spot decade – happy days back in Canada and after a short stint as a Director of Finance , I quit to be a – wait for it – Food Entrepreneur #fun#superpowerskill #grit Talk about making something from scratch. No cakes, no boeuf bourguignon for me. I wanted the REAL DEAL. I wanted to do what I love! #fun I loved to eat great food #fun so why not make a business from scratch? Did it matter that I was not a chef, never sold a thing in my life, no contacts in the food industry? No! “Know no #fear” became my mantra.
I designed #superpowerskill, developed #superpowerskill, and physically delivered (for a little while) #superpowerskill “Asian Kraft Dinner” as Asian DIY dinner kits (Thai, Indonesian, Japanese, South Asian) which sold across Canada, U.S. and Bermuda for 12 (10 wonderful) years! #FUN#GRIT All caps, definitely ALL CAPS!
Loads of lessons learned: I lived in my factory for 4 out of 12 years #grit ; wrestled with uncertainty 24/7 for the entire 12 years #superpowerskill; received recognition by the big ones: Bon Appetit and CBS FoodNetwork NYC #superpowerskill#fortune; blind passioncan and will kill you… well, almost; unexpectedly we lost 2 major clients so cash flow stopped flowing. At the same time we had to automate production , “go big or go home” so I lost it all and went “home” #FailureFollowedByFear I lived with my friends and family in 5 homes for 6 months in 2 different cities, 3,415 km apart; I lived with #humility and #gratitude ; I lived with zero assets+zero liabilities = ZERO for what seemed like a very long time #FailureWithNoFortune #JustPlainFailure
So “now is the time” to adapt, to pivot, to change, to endure, to survive #grit For the next 10 years,I worked in big corporate led by small people who MUST hit their “numbers”, I worked in small business led by big people (read “big egos”) who went mad not knowing their “numbers”; I worked in NFPs (aka not-for-profits aka “not for me”) with dedicated people who waste time wrestling with bureaucracy and not having any “numbers”.
Lessons Learned From Lowlights to Highlights: Nothing can defeat you when you have nowhere to go but up #GRIT; nothing can defeat you when you set aside your pride, learn to lean, and ask (sometimes yell) for help #humility ; nothing can defeat you when you can still give a lot with very little because #gratitude is still gratitude #superpowerskill; nothing can defeat you when you can make a life a “something” out of “nothing” #superpowerskill , when you “treat every day like pay day” with curiosity and wonder #fun #fortune, and when you strive to be kinder each and every day. “My heart has spoken.” #superpowerskill
