Being in nature sure has its benefits. We early birds, 1,400 in total, were treated to brilliant storytelling by University of Toronto alumni, Malcolm Gladwell, at Convocation Hall as part of the Big Speakers Series hosted by Rotman School of Management on October 1, 2019 at 8:00am. Heather Reisman, CEO Indigo, also got up early to interview him.
Malcolm Gladwell University of Toronto Rotman School of Mgt Oct 1, 2019
However signing 1,400 copies of his new book “Talking to Strangers” would have been daunting but we still had our copy unsigned in hand. And of course, we had our talk.
As I exited Convo Hall, I revelled in the beautiful morning light wishing I had my DSLR camera. I chose the longer, leafier route along King’s College Circle en route to the subway.
Then I spotted him, slipping out the back door! People nodded politely and he nodded back. But no nodding for me! I quickly scurried from behind and shouted, “Malcolm!” I was loud and clear. So loud and clear with my big booming voice.
He stopped. I smiled. I asked. “Would you please sign your book for me?” We walked. He asked my name… no time for a senior moment. He scribbled.
In the next 20 seconds, I told him I quoted him often about rapid cognition from his book, “Blink – The Power of Thinking Without Thinking” in my networking workshops which I teach at U of T School of Continuing Studies.
He grinned. I thanked. We parted. “Have a nice day!” And then I said, “Damn, I should have called you “Mr. Malcolm errrr … Mr. Gladwell”. He grinned again and walked away, disappearing into the still beautiful morning light.
I am both a public speaker and a
writer. But that’s not what it says on my LinkedIn Profile nor my C.V. I have
not eked out a living from doing what I love. Not Yet. Practice. Practice. Practice.
But I have a group of Grade 12 students to thank for helping me realize who I
am.
Photo Credit: Dana Wagner
I’ve not spent much time with high
school students aside from shopping trips with my now 21-year old niece. So
when I walked into the Toronto Public Library a week ago to deliver a talk
about entrepreneurship, all I saw were arms and legs, long limbs everywhere.
They’re so tall. Who are they? Have
they come to hear me speak? “No, we’re studying Grade 12 English. Our teacher
is just outside the room.” I was concerned that no one would show up for my
talk so I persuaded them to stay.
As I clicked through my slides – “The Romance of Entrepreneurship” followed by “The Reality of Entrepreneurship”, I paused and shared the story of the demise of my small business. I saw their eyes widen as if I had just poured a bucket of ice water over their heads. I had not realized that I’ve become inured to telling my story about the cold, cruel, and crushing reality of losing a livelihood (my livelihood) and that my Grade 12 students, not even 18 years old, were listening.
They said, “You scared us. No one has ever talked to us like this.”
Followed by tenderness, “Are you ok?”
With heartstrings stretched, then snapped, I answered wholeheartedly! “Yes, I’m ok. Don’t worry. Life is grand.”
I later received a text from
Justin.L. that day: “Thank you for the
inspiration. Despite I’ve always wanted to go in the medical/science field, it
opened my eyes to something I’ve never really given a lot of thought to.
Thanks!”
I replied, “Thank YOU!”
When you say you want to make a difference, choose your words wisely. Be mindful, be respectful, and be compassionate in the public space and in your space. The responsibility is real and the impact can be more powerful than you’ve ever dreamed. I am both a public speaker and a writer… and a lifelong learner.
Anyone notice the power red shoes on the #TelusPitch2019 Competition stage this past Tuesday? RED is the colour of power, passion, purpose, and at times, politics.
Why Wear Red
At a another event, I noticed this shimmering, slick red lipstick worn by one of my colleagues. We swapped lipstick intel – Hers “Outlaw Brick Red” by Kat Von D and mine? “Ruby Woo” by Mac.
Ruby Woo Mac Lipstick
In “Social Media Strategy” class a couple of years ago, my classmate and I presented a clever social media campaign for a designer lipstick. To our surprise, we noticed that we were all wearing “Ruby Woo” in class. “Ruby” made it up to Everest Base Camp with our classmate. #WhyWearRed ? Power – Passion – Purpose – Politics
So when I read Erika Thorkelson’s article “Why Wearing Lipstick Is a Small Act of Joyful Resistance” in a Canadian periodical, “The Walrus” and shared it immediately with The Lipstick Ladies. “Lipstick is unapologetically feminine. That’s what makes it so rebellious.” – the author’s powerful tagline.
Women in Red
Vivian Maier
RED gives women a visual voice. RED means business and you had better listen. Vivian Maier, affectionately aka the Nanny Photographer, captured countless photographs including this book cover. Her intriguing life story as an unknown yet brilliant street photographer can be found in a permanent collection in the Chicago History Museum.
For the Telus event, I went with a “Normal Business Navy” dress for networking and added a dash of “Ruby Woo” which, at the time, seemed appropriate.
I ought to know because for the past couple of years, I’ve been teaching, talking about, living and breathing networking. I felt confident as I strolled through the big glass corporate doors. As I scanned the crowd, I took a quick pulse check on the energy in the room and found it to be somewhat frenetic. Then a series of faux pas started to unravel.
Faux Pas #1
The first person I recognized was already heading towards me. She had interviewed me for an business blog seven years ago. Excited to reconnect, I reached out to greet her but as she approached, she looked me in the eye as I acknowledged her name. But then suddenly, she turned and walked away. I was gob-smacked with my handshake extended and hanging in thin air. Maybe she didn’t hear me. Maybe she didn’t recognize me. Maybe she just didn’t care. But she definitely saw me. Could this happen to one of my students? How do I prepare them for situations like this? Mental note: Sometimes you need a thicker skin for networking. I continued to wind my way in and then saw someone else I knew.
Faux Pas #2
After a courteous exchange, she introduced me to her colleague standing beside her. We also made eye contact but then it happened again. After a quick “hello”, she immediately turned her back on me and started looking for someone else. That was impressive. She didn’t need Malcolm Gladwell’s requisite two seconds for rapid cognition. She made up her mind in one “hello” whether she liked me or not. That’s one topic we do cover in our workshop.
Faux Pas #3
Undaunted third time lucky maybe, I tried once again to engage with another tech entrepreneur. This time no eye contact as her eyes shifted, a telltale sign wanting to escape. I mentioned that I heard the bar was about to close so that she could bolt away… and she did.
I grinned to myself, thinking how ironic it was to be struggling to communicate at telecommunications event! “Hel-lo?” Was I a little rusty in “reading the room” which was full of people admittedly half my age or dare I say more than half? Were my expectations unrealistic, outdated? How would my students weather these awkward situations? What would they have done in my shoes? Maybe swap them the “Normal Business Navy” for the “Power RED”. But as always, the universe unfolded as it should as I perssisted and eventually stumbled upon a few good people.
The Bartender told me about a music app that allowed people to tip musicians after I inquired about a tip jar for the bartenders because none were present. Maybe no one carries cash and maybe no one cares which is truly unfortunate and sad for those earning a living in the food and beverage industry.
The Undergrad Student shared how her background in training as a former ballerina helped her develop exceptional time management skills and as a result, helped her get her summer job with her employer, a start-up sponsor of the event. She reminded me fondly of my speed-skating niece and I invited her our Dream Network, a coffee drop-in for diverse and curious minds.
The Emerging Entrepreneur who sat in the row behind me and told me how her knees shook during the first round of the Pitch Competition. But she was deeply grateful for the experience. She is developing an app to help fund African Millennials to see the world. I also invited her to our Dream Network.
And as the event wrapped up, I heard the Master of Ceremonies call out onto the stage a familiar name. Hey, I know him, my super-nice-guy squash friend whom I haven’t seen in six years! My squash pro always said “all roads lead to squash” … even if it is at the end of the road.
I made a quick note to self for my next networking workshop – Remember RED, the colour of power, passion, purpose. and politics. RED can also give you that bit of extra push to get you outside your comfort zone. And even if it is only the colour of your lipstick, you are “unapologetically feminine and … rebellious!”
Toronto Reference Library Beeton Hall JULY 18, 2019
In the Library World, decency, diversity, and
dignity reside. When you step up to the Library desk and ask a Librarian
anything, you are gold. Last Thursday night I spoke in front of eighty-two library
patrons. This is a community I’ve come to know and love locally and world-wide.
As I adjusted my lapel microphone and tested the clicker for my slides, I wondered how they would respond. Will they feel safe to share their own stories? New to public speaking, the risk of being unable to connect with audiences is great. It happens. I am outside my comfort zone as I scanned their faces – younger, older, fresh out of school, from a kaleidoscope of countries in anticipation of what I was about to say. I took stock of their body language. The moment of truth has arrived. Like a Swiss army knife, I searched for “the right tools, the right words” to set the stage and with a deep breath, I started.
“So you already made up your mind whether you like me or not.” And they laughed as I breathed out and smiled. A few frowned with disapproval while others nodded with empathy. That night our library patrons were keen, wanting to be heard and sharing their experiences. Their questions stirred debate and I was thrilled with their engagement.
I am reminded of Stephen R. Covey’s quote in his “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People”. “Valuing our differences is the essence of synergy…. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.”
And my topic? “Network: Anywhere Anytime with Anyone”, a unique perspective on meeting new people … in real life #IRL while decency, diversity, and dignity lives on at the Library.
When did you last visit your public library branch? DYK our libraries create opportunities to learn, engage, and build new relationships, forming new communities?
Have you observed the patrons who go in and out the doors? It was closing time last night #bloorgladstone . I let the last patron go ahead of me on my way out. Where will he go next with his belongings overflowing in his small cart?
Most mornings, I head for the 4th floor #torontoreferencelibrary to get my key for “The Writer’s Room” to learn more👉 https://bit.ly/2JpHlJw I walk past another regular patron. I see him because he is always at “his table” face down with his belongings scattered around him. I try to find small ways to help – food, some small token of hope. For us, the Library is home, office, a safe space to rest, to create, to be.
Since 2013 I have the privilege of collaborating with #torontolibrary . I try my best to #payitforward because the Library has given me much more than I could possibly hope to give back. #abundance#gratitude
“Stranger danger” is a catchy phrase coined by Keith Rollag in his 2015 book, “What To Do When You’re New”. It’s what some people experience whenever walking into a room full of strangers at a conference, event, or meet up.
Of course, there’s that nagging added pressure from your boss, reminding you to “make good connections”.
Susan Jeffers, the Guru of Fear, was an American psychologist and in her popular 2011 book , “Feel the Fear … and Do It Anyway, she delves into the different types of fear and how to handle them.
So what’s the price you’re willing to pay by not introducing yourself to someone new who could help with information that might lead to a first job, a new job, a change in career so that you can do something passionate day in, day out?
And what’s the price you’re willing to pay by not walking up to someone who could be a potential mentor and shaking hands and instead you end up staying lost in a sea of indecision and quandary?
What’s the price you’re willing to pay by not meeting and greeting potential clients who could become your clients so that you can turn your business around?
That price is steep. How can the power of conversation help you connect better with someone new? “Fearless Networking: Connecting Creatively and Confidently” is our half-day professional skill-building workshop at the University of Toronto School of Continuing Studies and open to everyone! Learn how our “Five Hacks for Powerful Networking” can help you handle “stranger danger”. We’ll also take a closer look at your current network and learn how to make it more effective. Why not register and jump in on a Saturday morning session – Feb 23rd or Jun 15th? Discover and then boost your networking IQ!
“I can buy anything I want but I can’t buy time,” Warren Buffet counsels Bill Gates. Bill was in awe of his friend of 25 years as Warren flipped through the pages of his paper calendar. There were days with absolutely nothing on it!
We fill every minute of our days, wrestling with our priorities and schedules. “Sitting and thinking may be of much higher priority than what a normal CEO has with their demands,” Bill ponders. We choose.
Those working 16- to 18- hour days may either fear job loss, financial loss, or perhaps identity loss. How do you tell them that work doesn’t define your worth? We choose.
I’ve observed some with the luxury of both time and money on their hands juggle between dipping a little further into their “deep pockets with their short arms” (their words) and holding back for fear that there won’t be enough money left so that they can live a little longer more comfortably, a paradox indeed. We choose.
Due to extreme health issues this year, close friends had to confront their mortality. Accepting this sudden loss of time has shaken us all. Incomprehensible is their presence once vibrant will now be their absence. We choose?
Doing the math (a calculation I learned from Sandra Shamas, a Canadian comedic actress) is quite sobering. Take the number of years you think you have left to live and multiply it by the number of days. As a feisty optimist, I’m staring at 10,000 days which doesn’t seem like a lot so I checked it again. Yep, that’s all, 10,000 days. So days turn into hours and into minutes and then into seconds and I am STILL I’m short of a billion. What can I do with 883 million seconds? Take Warren Buffet’s advice, “I better be careful with it (time).”
As the new year approaches, sit, reflect, and think. Then choose.
Her first flight took her 13,400 kilometres away from her home in Chennai ten months after her wedding day. Selvi Thambimuthu landed at Lester B. Pearson International Airport, Toronto on December 4, 2004.
Three Generations
“I felt really happy to see my new husband and new country but also a little bit sad leaving my family back in Chennai. I was also very curious about snow,” she recalls.
Now thirteen+ years later, Selvi and Siva, her husband, and their three handsome sons Pragadheesh (12), Harshan (10), and Vadhanan (8), are busy getting ready to open their second restaurant franchise next week in Toronto – “Starving Artist”!
Stars Align – A Love Story
A match made by both our parents and confirmed by 4 different astrologists, Selvi and Siva were married within eighteen days of meeting one another in person for the first time in 2004. They came to know one another long distance by phone and her first thought was “he looks just like his photograph”. Strong faith in family and even stronger faith in dreams bridged the distance then and now.
Living the Dream
“Work for your dreams. It will happen whatever you dream. It will come true. You need to believe.” she repeats to her sons. “I want my sons to have their own dreams and I will support them as my parents always supported me. Education is important, first and foremost!”
She remembers how her parents set her up for success, always reading, exploring, and fuelling her curiosity about the world. At age 12, her father gave her a black radio and brought the world inside their home each night at dinnertime.
Her earliest memory of Toronto was “Everyone on the subway was reading!” She used to buy “packages of books” for her sons and read Dr. Seuss’ favourites including “Cat in the Hat” twenty to thirty times a day.
Entrepreneurship & Education in Progress
It’s not clear if “Green Eggs and Ham” set the tone as Selvi and Siva bought their first waffle restaurant franchise in 2016 and opened “Starving Artist” in Midtown Toronto. It was also the year Selvi started (and now graduated!) George Brown College’s Office Administration – Health Services two-year diploma program. And 2016 was the year Selvi’s Mom came from Chennai to help them realize their dreams.
The entrepreneurial spirit thrives in their family. Her father once owned a machine shop in Chennai. And as all entrepreneurs know, you do what it takes to make things work so they live above their restaurant which makes a whole lot of logistical sense.
Soccer Dreams
Listening to Pragadheesh talk about his passion, soccer, with his eyes shining brightly, he is like most young first generation Canadians. They are strivers, strong-willed with extraordinary grit and determination.
When his father suggested they should book their tickets for the World Cup 2026 (Canada, U.S. and Mexico will be hosting), Pragadheesh reassured his father, “Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll be playing so I’ll have tickets for everyone.”
The Next Big Dream
And what’s next you might wonder from the lady who once pushed a stroller dubbed “The Rocket” by her co-workers to get her son to school on time?
Selvi now dreams about how she will furnish their next house, a much bigger house as their home as she remembers fondly her childhood home in Chennai, 10’ x 50’, where her dreams began. And now 13,400 kms away, I have no doubt this dream will also come true. Small business, big dreams!
“It’s not like you always recall your Dad cooking for you!” – Chef Victoria Blamey, originally from Santiago, Chile, now NYC.
I sat up a little straighter in my seat as I listened and watched the women chefs in Maya Gallus’ “The Heat: A Kitchen (R)evolution” last Friday at Hot Docs Ted Rogers Cinema in Toronto. One by one they shared their years of dedication in pursuing and perfecting their art.
But I wondered who are they? Why don’t I remember their names like I remember the male chefs? Blame it on the media, PR, the male chefs? Or us, we women?
“Women have been cooking forever. Women have been the ones that have been cooking for the chef or the man that became the chef. Usually it’s like my mom used to make this for me so ok …Women have been cooking all this time but you can’t make it to the professional side? That’s the irony of this, you know what I mean?” – Chef Victoria Blamey, ready for her next adventure after Chumley’s, NYC.
“There’s a saying. Men cook for glory. Women cook for love … but as a chef, you really want to be judged on your work. Your gender has nothing to do with it.” – Chef Anita Lo, 2nd generation Malaysian American, Annisa, NYC.
“I’m a chef. I don’t really attach importance to the fact woman or male chefs. We are all chefs.” – Chef Anne-Sophie Pic, known for her 3 Michelin star restaurant, Maison Pic, SE France.
“I always say I wasn’t harassed because I was a woman. I was harassed because I was a human and chefs are equal opportunity ass-holes. They’ll harass anyone they see who’s weaker than them.” – Chef Amanda Cohen, owner, award-winning vegetable restaurant, Dirt Candy, NYC.
I won’t forget them now.
In NBA player San Antonio Spurs’ power forward/centre, Paul Gasol’s recent open letter about working with female coaches like Coach Becky Hammon, he sees no difference in coaching.
Growing up near Barcelona, Gasol’s father is a nurse and his mother is a doctor. “In 37 years, I can honestly say I’ve never once thought of my mom as a “female” doctor. To me, she has always just been … a doctor. And a great one, too.”
So why are we women still be pushing that same rock up the mountain forty years later? Maybe it’s time to put that rock down and just build our own damn mountain. What we need is a voice, a more united voice, a louder voice. Maya Gallus used her voice. Pau Gasol used his voice. Now is the time. Find ways to use your voice – blog, tweet, speak, share, educate, discuss. We need to care, we should care, do we care?
