Welcome Back Event for Students and Faculty – Sep 6, 2022
About Last Night …
I’m from the dark ages so forgive me. What I’m about to share is not new but worth repeating. Nothing beats meeting someone for the first time, face to face, shoulder to shoulder, live and in person … especially when that “someone” are our students and faculty. Special thanks to @TRP Student Social Committee who hosted last night’s “Welcome” event.
In this 2013 Harvard Business Review article, “Connect, then Lead” Amy J. C. Cuddy, Matthew Kohut, John Neffinger, their research shows unless you show warmth, you won’t be able to make connection no matter how competent you are, and therefore, as a leader, no one will follow you.
I don’t know about you but I still haven’t found the magic keys on my laptop that I can tap out and spell and hit send to transmit “warmth” across the tiles filled with faces to make a true connection with my audience. But we do our best and show up … with our cameras on, hopefully.
Way back when, I remember a world (dark ages) with no cameras, just us. A smile, a handshake, a hug, or a fist pump would create and create a spark and make a connection instantly, in real time, #IRL. You know what I mean.
Don’t get me wrong! I swear technology is like romantic relationships. You can’t live with them and you can’t live without them. I am grateful everyday that Mom (age 92), remembers how to activate the video call button on her shiny red iPhone XR. Dad (age 93) would appear with this look of wonder, mesmerized by What’s App.
But savouring and saving the memories from last night, it’s hard to replicate the warmth and magic online but as educators, we try our best to connect, engage, and if we’re lucky, captivate our students virtually in class this new term.
Anne Lamott once wrote in her classic, “Bird by Bird”, “As we live, we begin to discover what helps in life and what hurts.” And every now and again, I wonder whatever happened to the good ol’ days? Trust me, you will wonder one day, too.
Who are these VIPS, Very Important People? Where are they? And why do you want to connect with them? Are you looking for a job or maybe your DREAM JOB? From their perspective, they want to know who you are and most importantly, why should they give you their time. How do you speak up?
If you are looking for your DREAM JOB, consider the help of a top professional recruiter. Mike Fedryk, my good squash friend and President of Flex-Solutions, a Toronto recruitment firm focusing on people and technology, is a regular and very popular guest speaker for our students. Not only does he share a unique perspective, he also is very generous in providing invaluable job search and interview tips and tricks
Mike: “You need to tell me who you are and what you are looking for in the opening third portion of the first page of your resume for me to continue reading the rest of your resume.”
Speak to Me – With Your LinkedIn Profile
If you are looking for your Dream Job, consider connecting with employees who already work for your “Dream Employer” on LinkedIn. How do you connect with a stranger? Try reverse engineering and start with a search with your Alumni. Find a first or second connection who works with your Dream Employer. Add a concise, clear, and compelling note. Invite them to link in you’re not already connected and always add a note. Nick Boyd, Senior Marketing Coordinator at KPMG, and also one of our guest speakers created the following simple self-intro template:
Speak to Me – On Our Website
If you are looking for your Dream Job, consider offering your skills as a volunteer to help the charity your Dream Employer supports. You can usually find out on their website. Connect with the person who is on your Dream Employer’s team and who leads the foundation or projects associated with their charity of choice. Tell them who you are, what you are looking for, and how you can help with their charity. Be authentic and relevant. Can you help them build, market, plan, lead an initiative? Stand out. Meet their Board of Directors of both the charity and your Dream Employer.
Speak to Me – On My Channel
When you initiate any form of communication, did you know it’s your responsibility to ensure your listener understands fully what you are saying? To have a meaningful connection, you have to find the right channel and the right frequency so both of you can tune in. How? By simply asking the other person which channel is best and most convenient for them – email, text, phone, video conference, and when.
If they are in senior executive roles, thought leaders, or entrepreneurs, find out where they are active for e.g. LinkedIn articles and posts, their company blog, notable industry platforms where they’ve been invited as a guest author, keynote speaker, or guest panelist whether they are at a conference or an industry event or quoted in a publication. You can also comment or ask a good question during a virtual event in the chat.
And if the person happens to be your Dad who hates wearing his hearing aids indoors, you not only have to find the right channel but also the right frequency in order for him to not only understand you but also hear you! What do you do when he already has his menu of monologues prepared in advance … and he won’t let you get a word in over the phone?
We rarely jump on a video call because they don’t have internet so it’s only when my siblings are visiting them. Last night instead of yelling louder, I decided to try another channel – analog. I grabbed my Sharpie and post-it notes and created flashcards, holding them up in front of the camera for Dad to read. He was very amused and didn’t miss a beat. Finding the right channel made a world of difference for us both.
Post-it notes with Dad
In our highly interactive networking workshops and courses offered both live online and in-person, “Speak Up” is Hack #3 of the “Five Hacks for Fearless Networking”. We focus on the importance of small talk, building rapport, and asking good questions using improv in individual, pair, and group activities.
So whether you are an aspiring networker or a seasoned connector, you will discover new and strategic ways to network in “Fearless Networking” at University of Toronto School of Continuing Studies. Reserve your spot starting at 10:00AM EST March 13th for three consecutive Saturday morning 90-minute live webinar sessions. AND you’ll get to put your new networking skill into practice at the invite-only monthly “Dream Network Drop-in” on Thursday March 25th at 18:00 EST. Find out more and register now to connect creatively and confidently. Or speak to me at [email protected] .
Jean is a part-time Sessional Lecturer and Instructor. She teaches online and off-line courses in networking, advanced career management, and leadership at University of Toronto, Ryerson University, and Seneca College. She also leads networking workshops for corporate clients and not-for-profits. As a business-career coach, Jean works closely with recent graduates, career-changers, and entrepreneurs and helps them realize and recognize their potential.
If you managed to catch Kyle Lowry, the GROAT (Greatest Raptor of all Time), playing in the NBA playoffs, you can see how much Kyle loves his job.
His beaming smile after Game 5’s long pass to his teammate, OG Anunoby, with only .5, yes point 5 seconds, on the clock saved the Raptors from elimination. And he saved the Raptors again Game 6 Wednesday night.
Watching Kyle bounce back play after play at both ends of the court in a heart-stopping double overtime do-or-die Game 6, Kyle’s leadership is indisputable.
Watching Kyle compare himself to “Sea Biscuit” after being on court for 53 minutes made fans laugh while exhaling a huge sigh of relief after a tension-filled 58-minute game.
Watching Kyle go to work and get ready for Game 7, you can’t help but be inspired by his consistent work ethic, undeniable belief, and limitless perseverance.
Boston Celtics’ Coach Brad Stevens: “He’s an All-star but he might be the most underrated player in the league. He does everything you need to win.”
Will Kyle do it again and get another day at the office? What I know for sure Kyle will show up … early. Let’s Go Raptors!
Anyone notice the power red shoes on the #TelusPitch2019 Competition stage this past Tuesday? RED is the colour of power, passion, purpose, and at times, politics.
Why Wear Red
At a another event, I noticed this shimmering, slick red lipstick worn by one of my colleagues. We swapped lipstick intel – Hers “Outlaw Brick Red” by Kat Von D and mine? “Ruby Woo” by Mac.
Ruby Woo Mac Lipstick
In “Social Media Strategy” class a couple of years ago, my classmate and I presented a clever social media campaign for a designer lipstick. To our surprise, we noticed that we were all wearing “Ruby Woo” in class. “Ruby” made it up to Everest Base Camp with our classmate. #WhyWearRed ? Power – Passion – Purpose – Politics
So when I read Erika Thorkelson’s article “Why Wearing Lipstick Is a Small Act of Joyful Resistance” in a Canadian periodical, “The Walrus” and shared it immediately with The Lipstick Ladies. “Lipstick is unapologetically feminine. That’s what makes it so rebellious.” – the author’s powerful tagline.
Women in Red
Vivian Maier
RED gives women a visual voice. RED means business and you had better listen. Vivian Maier, affectionately aka the Nanny Photographer, captured countless photographs including this book cover. Her intriguing life story as an unknown yet brilliant street photographer can be found in a permanent collection in the Chicago History Museum.
For the Telus event, I went with a “Normal Business Navy” dress for networking and added a dash of “Ruby Woo” which, at the time, seemed appropriate.
I ought to know because for the past couple of years, I’ve been teaching, talking about, living and breathing networking. I felt confident as I strolled through the big glass corporate doors. As I scanned the crowd, I took a quick pulse check on the energy in the room and found it to be somewhat frenetic. Then a series of faux pas started to unravel.
Faux Pas #1
The first person I recognized was already heading towards me. She had interviewed me for an business blog seven years ago. Excited to reconnect, I reached out to greet her but as she approached, she looked me in the eye as I acknowledged her name. But then suddenly, she turned and walked away. I was gob-smacked with my handshake extended and hanging in thin air. Maybe she didn’t hear me. Maybe she didn’t recognize me. Maybe she just didn’t care. But she definitely saw me. Could this happen to one of my students? How do I prepare them for situations like this? Mental note: Sometimes you need a thicker skin for networking. I continued to wind my way in and then saw someone else I knew.
Faux Pas #2
After a courteous exchange, she introduced me to her colleague standing beside her. We also made eye contact but then it happened again. After a quick “hello”, she immediately turned her back on me and started looking for someone else. That was impressive. She didn’t need Malcolm Gladwell’s requisite two seconds for rapid cognition. She made up her mind in one “hello” whether she liked me or not. That’s one topic we do cover in our workshop.
Faux Pas #3
Undaunted third time lucky maybe, I tried once again to engage with another tech entrepreneur. This time no eye contact as her eyes shifted, a telltale sign wanting to escape. I mentioned that I heard the bar was about to close so that she could bolt away… and she did.
I grinned to myself, thinking how ironic it was to be struggling to communicate at telecommunications event! “Hel-lo?” Was I a little rusty in “reading the room” which was full of people admittedly half my age or dare I say more than half? Were my expectations unrealistic, outdated? How would my students weather these awkward situations? What would they have done in my shoes? Maybe swap them the “Normal Business Navy” for the “Power RED”. But as always, the universe unfolded as it should as I perssisted and eventually stumbled upon a few good people.
The Bartender told me about a music app that allowed people to tip musicians after I inquired about a tip jar for the bartenders because none were present. Maybe no one carries cash and maybe no one cares which is truly unfortunate and sad for those earning a living in the food and beverage industry.
The Undergrad Student shared how her background in training as a former ballerina helped her develop exceptional time management skills and as a result, helped her get her summer job with her employer, a start-up sponsor of the event. She reminded me fondly of my speed-skating niece and I invited her our Dream Network, a coffee drop-in for diverse and curious minds.
The Emerging Entrepreneur who sat in the row behind me and told me how her knees shook during the first round of the Pitch Competition. But she was deeply grateful for the experience. She is developing an app to help fund African Millennials to see the world. I also invited her to our Dream Network.
And as the event wrapped up, I heard the Master of Ceremonies call out onto the stage a familiar name. Hey, I know him, my super-nice-guy squash friend whom I haven’t seen in six years! My squash pro always said “all roads lead to squash” … even if it is at the end of the road.
I made a quick note to self for my next networking workshop – Remember RED, the colour of power, passion, purpose. and politics. RED can also give you that bit of extra push to get you outside your comfort zone. And even if it is only the colour of your lipstick, you are “unapologetically feminine and … rebellious!”
Her first flight took her 13,400 kilometres away from her home in Chennai ten months after her wedding day. Selvi Thambimuthu landed at Lester B. Pearson International Airport, Toronto on December 4, 2004.
Three Generations
“I felt really happy to see my new husband and new country but also a little bit sad leaving my family back in Chennai. I was also very curious about snow,” she recalls.
Now thirteen+ years later, Selvi and Siva, her husband, and their three handsome sons Pragadheesh (12), Harshan (10), and Vadhanan (8), are busy getting ready to open their second restaurant franchise next week in Toronto – “Starving Artist”!
Stars Align – A Love Story
A match made by both our parents and confirmed by 4 different astrologists, Selvi and Siva were married within eighteen days of meeting one another in person for the first time in 2004. They came to know one another long distance by phone and her first thought was “he looks just like his photograph”. Strong faith in family and even stronger faith in dreams bridged the distance then and now.
Living the Dream
“Work for your dreams. It will happen whatever you dream. It will come true. You need to believe.” she repeats to her sons. “I want my sons to have their own dreams and I will support them as my parents always supported me. Education is important, first and foremost!”
She remembers how her parents set her up for success, always reading, exploring, and fuelling her curiosity about the world. At age 12, her father gave her a black radio and brought the world inside their home each night at dinnertime.
Her earliest memory of Toronto was “Everyone on the subway was reading!” She used to buy “packages of books” for her sons and read Dr. Seuss’ favourites including “Cat in the Hat” twenty to thirty times a day.
Entrepreneurship & Education in Progress
It’s not clear if “Green Eggs and Ham” set the tone as Selvi and Siva bought their first waffle restaurant franchise in 2016 and opened “Starving Artist” in Midtown Toronto. It was also the year Selvi started (and now graduated!) George Brown College’s Office Administration – Health Services two-year diploma program. And 2016 was the year Selvi’s Mom came from Chennai to help them realize their dreams.
The entrepreneurial spirit thrives in their family. Her father once owned a machine shop in Chennai. And as all entrepreneurs know, you do what it takes to make things work so they live above their restaurant which makes a whole lot of logistical sense.
Soccer Dreams
Listening to Pragadheesh talk about his passion, soccer, with his eyes shining brightly, he is like most young first generation Canadians. They are strivers, strong-willed with extraordinary grit and determination.
When his father suggested they should book their tickets for the World Cup 2026 (Canada, U.S. and Mexico will be hosting), Pragadheesh reassured his father, “Don’t worry, Dad. I’ll be playing so I’ll have tickets for everyone.”
The Next Big Dream
And what’s next you might wonder from the lady who once pushed a stroller dubbed “The Rocket” by her co-workers to get her son to school on time?
Selvi now dreams about how she will furnish their next house, a much bigger house as their home as she remembers fondly her childhood home in Chennai, 10’ x 50’, where her dreams began. And now 13,400 kms away, I have no doubt this dream will also come true. Small business, big dreams!
“Mom, when I grow up, I want to be the leader of the world,” says her four-year old daughter. “And we’ll be her advisors!”, chimed in her two older brothers. “Why not?” encouraged their mom, Tammara.
Indeed, why not? “Out of the mouths of babes” just in time to honour our moms today. Who are our young sages? Tierra (4), Kai (7), Kian (10) are our strivers and our future. They are Canadians who make us proud to be Canadian!
Tammara is one of our #Gals with Grit, a new movement launched this year on International Women’s Day to recognize newcomer professionals who are parents. We share their stories to inspire new newcomers and also leave a legacy for the next generation. You will know them as parents working sometimes at 2 jobs or running their own business while studying, or recently graduated post-secondary in Canada. They are remarkable people, everyday heroes, leaders in their communities, and also potential leaders on the world stage (if not already) as Tierra, our four-year old protégé exclaimed earlier.
We met four years ago while chatting at Eglinton Station waiting for the next train during rush hour. By then Tammara had already been to Canada, twice, the first time at age 6 years when her father did his Masters degree in Environmental Engineering at the University of Manitoba and again at 17 as a York University student. A couple of weeks later I was invited to her home for a very fine and full Indonesian lunch and met her young family – her husband and their two young sons. The “world leader” had not yet arrived. In complete awe of her amazing ability to do it all (studying for her PhD, working full-time, caring for her young family), I wondered who she really was and how she developed this remarkable fortitude, grit as we call it.
Fast forward four years, now a mom of three, with her PhD in Urban Planning, and also a Trudeau scholar, Tammara agreed to participate in our “Gals with Grit” project. Earlier this month, in our first interview, I asked her to describe for us her journey so far:
Tammara, can you please share with us some defining moments and who has made an impact in your life?
“When I was 13 years old, my parents sent me to visit my Great Aunt Irid, my maternal grandmother’s little sister. She is an accomplished public speaker. You see, I was very shy and was absolutely terrified to look her and anyone else for that matter, in the eye. My eyes were always downcast and I kept covering my face with my hands. When I was young, I was bullied and was very self conscious about my appearance, in particular, my weight. I believed someone was always judging me for one thing or another. Those few days with Great Aunt Irid helped me put my hands down and lift my head up and keep my eyes straight ahead, steady and confident.
Then my mother got a job in Winston-Salem, North Carolina so we all moved. This is where the biggest change happened in my life. I was 15 at the time. My amazing American teachers were creative, innovative, and encouraging, which was different from the learning by rote which I was used to doing in Indonesia. I was very polite and was keen to learn, so my teachers helped me thrive and believed in me. I won the “Student of the Year” two years in a row!
I hope to inspire my students at the University of Toronto to believe in their potential, just like my teachers inspired me.
What’s on the radar for you these days?
I wore a hijab on and off after I came to Canada. However, I decided to finally wear my head covering permanently a year after I became a Trudeau scholar in 2014. I felt more confident and less concerned about having to look a certain way to gain approval from others so my hijab felt empowering to me as a scholar. It also often sparks conversation and learning opportunities about the role of Muslim women in academia. Now as an expert in my field, I sit at the table with CEOs and Ministers and I realized that I have opportunities to make a difference.
We need to dispel the stereotypes found in Orientalism and its monolithic framing of diverse Muslim cultures as “ancient”, primarily middle-eastern, and “backward.” As a mother, a muslim and working professional, I believe it is important for me to maintain a balance between the academic and spiritual aspects of my life so that my children continue to believe that women leaders are not unusual. There is no doubt in my children’s minds that a woman could indeed become world leaders.
Well, I know one four-year old who already has her eye on the job! Thanks, Tammara, for sharing your story and being a true “Gal with Grit”. Happy Mother’s Day to you and all Moms around the world!
“No thank you” or “No, thank you”? Have you heard the one about the panda who walks into a cafe with a gun, orders a sandwich, fires the gun, and leaves? Ask British author, Lynn Truss. Her 2003 bestseller “Eats, shoots and leaves” bemoans the lost art of punctuation.
But what might be a case of “syntactic ambiguity” – when a reader/listener can reasonably interpret one sentence as having more than one possible structure – is actually me bemoaning the lost art of politeness.
On certain, not all, occasions lately, what’s been heard is silence, i.e. no thank you’s. Does the receiver of an act of kindness assume the giver has somehow understood “thank you” through telepathy? Or perhaps such an acknowledgement is passé or is rejected because it’s too de rigueur?
Look, I’m not from the #smartgen nor the #nextgen but from the #othergen. And I’m old school so that my favourite pastime is writing and sending notes of thanks, yes, paper and yes, snail mail. I purchase “thank you” cards so often that my friends have started gifting them to me and you can guess who receives the first one out of the pack.
Our lives are fast and fleeting. Has “thank you” disappeared along with “please, may I, pardon me”? Please say it isn’t so. The foundation of relationships is built on gratitude. When you experience loss in life and need help, what will ground you is gratitude. Wharton Professor Adam Grant says it best in his 2013 best-selling book, “Give and Take” and his 2016 TED talk , He describes how people are givers, takers, and matchers and how most effective leaders are givers.
When someone gives, offers, surrenders, volunteers, sacrifices their time to help you, will you remember to say those famous almost-forgotten last yet powerful words, “THANK YOU”? Because if you don’t, you might not get another chance to say these words again. Ever.
Scrolling my Twitter feed, I stumbled upon Daniel Pink’s , an American author of bestselling books about business, work, and behavior, 2016 convocation address at Georgetown University on the importance of perspective-taking.
He asked the grads to do a quick social experiment with three simple instructions. Try it!
1) Identify your dominant hand.
2) With your dominant hand, snap your fingers 5 times.
3) With the forefinger of your dominant hand, draw for me a capital “E” on your forehead.
Take note, did you draw your “E” facing you inwardly or “E” facing outwardly? Pink: “If you drew the “E” facing you i.e. inwardly, it means you are self-oriented and take your own perspective. If you drew “E” facing outwardly , it means you take someone else’s perspective.”
As time goes on, you will draw the “E” differently, depending on context. As you grow and acquire power and success, you might lose your ability to see the world through another’s eyes. “Use your power but sharpen your perspective.” –Daniel H. Pink
Saul Bellow, a Canadian author and Nobel and Pulitzer prize winner quoted Proust as he talked about life’s “true impressions.” “With increasing frequency, I dismiss as merely respectable opinions I have long held – or thought I held – and try to discern what I have really lived by and what others live by.” –Saul Bellow
Thirty years ago I was “gifted” this rare perspective. I haven’t used it very often…not until this month. This “gift” came from being hospitalized for an extended period with no vision and no mobility. So when I peered into my best friend’s (30 years) one open eye last week, I suddenly realized that in order to connect with her, I had to take her perspective. I had to communicate in such a way so that if she was inside there, she could use her facial muscles to answer. Being careful not to overtire her, we “conversed” as she responded neurologically well – acknowledging accurately and quickly. She’s smart, strong, and resilient. We pray.
“Valuing the differences between people is the essence of synergy … And the key is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.”–Stephen R. Covey
Did you draw the Capital E facing inwardly or facing outwardly? Know your power of perspective and use it aptly, wisely, and compassionately.
