Working with Recruiters – How to find Nemo & stay away from the Sharks

Photo by Layton Diament on Unsplash

“We eat what we kill” was how one shark recruiter described how he made his living. I shuddered. After COVID closed our classrooms, I was looking for a recruitment professional to be a guest speaker for our students. I needed “Nemo”, not a shark. Then I remembered my good friend, Mike Fedryk. He is the Founding Partner of Flex Solutions. One thing I know for sure, Mike is not a shark.

When I first approached Mike back in March, he wanted to be sure he was the right person and asked good questions. By taking the time to ask, I knew he would be perfect. We decided to have an informal “fireside chat” (now “dockside”) followed by Q & A. He also generously critiqued student resumes before our chat so that he could offer his best advice during his live resume review. And because of Mike’s self-effacing manner, he expected absolutely nothing in return…no honorarium, no praise nor recognition, not even something to eat.

Mike’s in the middle of the third row!

Last week I invited Mike again to share again with our students. It’s rare to watch someone do what they love. I’m envious of Mike’s “hip pocket skill” (Indra Nooyi’s definition of super power). He’s able to communicate tough feedback with just the right amount of empathy and compassion so that his listeners know his intention in seconds. As a result, people trust and respect him and listen fully and truly appreciate his feedback. This is how he sets himself apart from the sharks. He is in a pool of his own.

Mike live streaming to students from Ashbridges Bay Marina.

Mike took time off last Saturday and live streamed from Ashbridges Bay Marina for us. He’s so passionate and engaging that when I looked at the time, I had to remind him it was time to wrap up because his sailboat was about to launch without him. Of course, he didn’t leave without inviting all students to reconnect with him on LinkedIn.

Thank you, Mike, for all you have given to help our students. Your generosity of spirit is unsurpassed. On behalf of our students and our faculties, I wish you and your family infinite happiness, success, and clear sailing in the days ahead.

OK Boomer – the meme that just won’t go away

It’s Ok. Ask a Boomer. We’re not dead. Not yet. My student and I were walking to the subway early November when suddenly a young man (evidently eavesdropping on our conversation about technology and Boomers) from behind yelled out, “What’s a boomer?”

“Excuse me, a what?” a definite sign of an aging Boomer. Is he serious? Does he really not know?

“Ask your parents … or maybe your grandparents.” I winced with one eyebrow arched while sizing up his age. “It’s a category, a demographic like you’re a Millennial or maybe a Gen Z-er. Got it?”

He nodded, “I had no idea.”

I learned later that he knew. His question was a twist on the meme, “OK Boomer”. It had been making its rounds on the Internet. OK Boomer is slang for dissing out-dated opinions coming from the Baby Boomer generation and older. It’s the opposite of “OK”.  I was the one who had no idea.

Here’s a handy reference updated from last year by Mental Floss on who’s a Boomer and who’s not:

  • The Silent Generation: Born 1928-1945 (73-91 years old)
  • Baby Boomers: Born 1946-1964 (54-73 years old)
  • Generation X: Born 1965-1980 (38-54 years old)
  • Millennials: Born 1981-1996 (22-38 years old)
  • Gen Z – Post-Millennials: Born 1997-Present (0-22 years old)

I despair. This inter-generational warfare and anti-Boomer sentiment can be quite harsh and cruel. Andrew Ferguson, staff writer (also a Boomer) at “The Atlantic” recently published  “Everyone Hates the Boomer, OK?” and informed us that while memes come and go quickly, as Boomers we’re still stuck on “OK Boomer”.

Gen Zers decided to have printed T-shirts inscribed with “OKAY BOOMER HAVE A TERRIBLE DAY.” ~ New York Times . More ill will putting our world on tilt. We need to take a step (several steps) back to get some perspective.

Perspective – What the Experts Say

Daniel H. Pink, former Vice-President, Al Gore’s speechwriter, is the author of best-selling business books about motivation and sales.  Pink opened his 2016 commencement address to the graduating class of (still Millennials) at Georgetown University with his clever 20-second social experiment on perspective-taking and showed why “as we grow in our career and gain more power, we tend to lose our perspective-taking ability and to keep it in check.”

Stephen R. Covey, author of “The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People” on perspective: “Valuing the differences is the essence of synergy – the mental, the emotional, the psychological differences between people. And the key to valuing those differences is to realize that all people see the world, not as it is, but as they are.”

Why Two Perspectives Are Better Than One

We gain more perspective by getting outside our comfort zone, meeting new people, and learning new things. At the same, we amp up our empathy. But there are times when empathy doesn’t factor into the human equation:

  1. “We just finished our first meeting so you might like to join us for the next one. Well, maybe not as you can see, we’re much younger than you.” 
  • “She’s been around a long time. Honestly, our ideas are way better. Why doesn’t she just let us take over?”
  • Then there is silence in a working group. Every once in awhile, heads pop up from their screens with wide-eyed stares and still not a word is spoken.

Can’t we find some common ground to collaborate and value our differences? Claire Kennedy, Chair of the Governing Council of the University of Toronto in her convocation message at St. Michael’s College this November, “This is the time when the world urgently needs more grace.”

Perspective and Grace

How do we gain more perspective? One way is to get outside your comfort zone. In my previous post, getting outside your comfort zone means overcoming fear, a work-in-progress.

Standing in the queue at the grocery store recently, a Millennial was in front of me. She turned and greeted me. We had met last year at an ideas summit. We ended up comparing notes on swim lessons which left me inspired, having learned a new strategy on how to overcome my fear of water. Her name is “Grace”. The world urgently needs more grace.

Perspective and Kindness

George Sanders teaches creative writing at Syracuse University. His debut novel “Lincoln in the Bardo” won the 2017 Man Booker Prize.  In “Congratulations … By the Way – Some thoughts on Kindness” based on his convocation address for the Class of 2013 at Syracuse University, Professor Saunders is haunted by his memory of a new kid in his 7th Grade named “Ellen” and why to this day, he still remembers her. His two “million-dollar questions” were:

  1. “Why aren’t we kinder?

Apparently, we have these three “built-in confusions”:

  • “We’re central to our universe.” Our story is the only story, the only one that matters.
  • “We’re separate from the universe.” – There’s “Us” and then the rest of them.
  • “We’re permanent.” – You’re going to die but not me.

OK Millennial. OK Boomer.

  • “How do we become kinder?”
  • “Kindness is hard. … Becoming kinder happens naturally with age. As we get older, we come to see how useless it is to be selfish… We get our butts kicked and people come to the rescue and we’re not that separate, and we don’t want to be. Most people, as they age, become less selfish and more loving.”

OK Boomer. OK Millennial.

To the graduating class of 2013 (still Millennials), George Saunders ended his speech: “Your life is going to be a gradual process of becoming kinder and more loving:  Hurry up. Speed it along. Start right now.”

Why? Because the world needs more “Grace”.

On Meeting Malcolm @Gladwell

Being in nature sure has its benefits. We early birds, 1,400 in total, were treated to brilliant storytelling by University of Toronto alumni, Malcolm Gladwell, at Convocation Hall as part of the Big Speakers Series hosted by Rotman School of Management on October 1, 2019 at 8:00am. Heather Reisman, CEO Indigo, also got up early to interview him.

Malcolm Gladwell new book Talking to Strangers
Malcolm Gladwell University of Toronto Rotman School of Mgt Oct 1, 2019

However signing 1,400 copies of his new book “Talking to Strangers” would have been daunting but we still had our copy unsigned in hand. And of course, we had our talk.

As I exited Convo Hall, I revelled in the beautiful morning light wishing I had my DSLR camera. I chose the longer, leafier route along King’s College Circle en route to the subway.

Then I spotted him, slipping out the back door! People nodded politely and he nodded back. But no nodding for me! I quickly scurried from behind and shouted, “Malcolm!” I was loud and clear. So loud and clear with my big booming voice.

He stopped. I smiled. I asked. “Would you please sign your book for me?” We walked. He asked my name… no time for a senior moment. He scribbled.

In the next 20 seconds, I told him I quoted him often about rapid cognition from his book, “Blink – The Power of Thinking Without Thinking” in my networking workshops which I teach at U of T School of Continuing Studies.

He grinned. I thanked. We parted. “Have a nice day!” And then I said, “Damn, I should have called you “Mr. Malcolm errrr … Mr. Gladwell”. He grinned again and walked away, disappearing into the still beautiful morning light.

Learning for Life

I am both a public speaker and a writer. But that’s not what it says on my LinkedIn Profile nor my C.V. I have not eked out a living from doing what I love. Not Yet. Practice. Practice. Practice. But I have a group of Grade 12 students to thank for helping me realize who I am.

Photo Credit: Dana Wagner

I’ve not spent much time with high school students aside from shopping trips with my now 21-year old niece. So when I walked into the Toronto Public Library a week ago to deliver a talk about entrepreneurship, all I saw were arms and legs, long limbs everywhere.

They’re so tall. Who are they? Have they come to hear me speak? “No, we’re studying Grade 12 English. Our teacher is just outside the room.” I was concerned that no one would show up for my talk so I persuaded them to stay.

As I clicked through my slides – “The Romance of Entrepreneurship” followed by “The Reality of Entrepreneurship”, I paused and shared the story of the demise of my small business.  I saw their eyes widen as if I had just poured a bucket of ice water over their heads. I had not realized that I’ve become inured to telling my story about the cold, cruel, and crushing reality of losing a livelihood (my livelihood) and that my Grade 12 students, not even 18 years old, were listening.

They said, “You scared us. No one has ever talked to us like this.”

Followed by tenderness, “Are you ok?”

With heartstrings stretched, then snapped, I answered wholeheartedly! “Yes, I’m ok. Don’t worry. Life is grand.”

I later received a text from Justin.L. that day: “Thank you for the inspiration. Despite I’ve always wanted to go in the medical/science field, it opened my eyes to something I’ve never really given a lot of thought to. Thanks!”

I replied, “Thank YOU!”

When you say you want to make a difference, choose your words wisely. Be mindful, be respectful, and be compassionate in the public space and in your space. The responsibility is real and the impact can be more powerful than you’ve ever dreamed. I am both a public speaker and a writer… and a lifelong learner.

#whywespeak #whywewrite #whywelearn

On Boxes & Belonging

 

 

 

 

 

 

For a very long time I’ve been trying to decipher this quote by the wise Ms. Maya Angelou. 

 

Can you be in no place and every place? Looking back, I remember my first place fondly where I first belonged.

I was born in Canada in a small prairie town in Saskatchewan which from above appear as big blocks of green and pale yellow – the colours of canola and wheat.

My first home was this Hostess potato chip box. Quite ingenious of my Mom so that she could keep her eye on me as she and Dad worked in my Grandpa’s café.

Home was a small room in a boarding house near the café for a short while. I remain grateful that my parents were able to squeeze in a crib as I didn’t fancy sleeping in that chip box. But I should have known then what was in store for me several years later.

We then moved to what we all called “the BIG house” because it had to fit us all in: Mom, Dad, Sister, Brother, Uncle, Auntie, four Cousins, and Grandma and Grandpa!

After awhile each of our families moved into our own homes. And after graduating from college, my parents decided it was time for me to see the world. In other words, “You’re on your own now.” So I left where I belonged and closed the door to find a new one to open as my own.

Since then I’ve had many homes. I’m extremely fortunate to have lived and worked in, not to mention travelled to places, near and far, some exotic and exciting, some not so, some twice –

Here’s a list: apartments in Regina, Saskatoon, gated 3 bedroom row house in Lusaka, Zambia, a farm in Kemptville or I remember “UnKemptville”, more apartments in Ottawa, basement apartment in Vancouver, a gated palatial new 5 bedroom home in  Ujung Pandang, Indonesia, one room loft in Calgary, top floor of a heritage house minutes away from Lake Ontario in Oakville, and Toronto where I once lived inside my factory for 4 years when I had my food business. That one had plenty of boxes the same size as the Hostess chip-like box.

So many homes, so many places to belong, so much packing and unpacking….lots of boxes! Will I always be a newcomer … even in my own country?

Learning to belong is not easy and I’m sure you have your own stories. I believe this has something to do with what is known as “reverse culture shock”.

Lusaka, Zambia

Upon returning from working in Zambia for two years, I remember the feeling of shock and awe in a supermarket, trying to decide which toilet paper to buy – the choices seemed infinite – tough choices indeed. We only had this mossy dark green stuff in Lusaka.  Is this where I belong?

Ujung Pandang, Indonesia

Upon returning from working in Indonesia for three years, I remember the feeling of frustration, trying to find the right word in English after speaking Bahasa Indonesia for  three years. I would literally inverse the word order like coffee table to table coffee, bookstore to store book as we do in Bahasa. Is this where do I belong?

I also remember being equally frustrated if not more, in a business meeting in Jakarta, trying to find the right word in Bahasa but all I had were sentences starting with “Saya” which means “I” and sounding like a naughty kid in Kindergarten. “I am, I want, I need, I have…. Saya syndrome!

Ms Maya Angelou, what do you mean belonging no place, belonging every place, no place at all?

Finally I arrived at  my AHA moment:

Toronto, Canada

It was in June this year when I was attending as an instructor a convocation ceremony for adult learners. I  had recognized one of our Program Directors and went over to greet her. Alongside her was her guest and I extended my hand to introduce myself but she spoke first.

Her guest said, “No Ho Ma.”

I replied, “No Ho Ma, I’m Jean Chow. And I’m an instructor here.”

At this point, the Program Director jumps in and said, “Jean, we’re so lucky to have Nancy here today to help us celebrate. She’s the CEO of  a big law firm in Chicago.” Hmmm…I thought in that cloud that hovers above our heads, I’m thinking, “Nancy? Her name is Nancy?”all the while making small talk.

Still thinking in the cloud, “Of course, it is. But she said “No Ho Ma”. Oh my God. She was saying “how are you” in Cantonese to me but I can’t speak Cantonese!  I totally missed her kind attempt to connect with me.

Not only that, she probably thought I was asking her “how are you?” too when I repeated it back to her when I was actually repeating it so I could remember her name. It hadn’t occurred to me how I looked to Nancy. She assumed I spoke Cantonese.

So Ms. Maya Angelou, I think I got it!  No matter where I live and work, I truly do not belong to any place but I belong every place because I will always be “new”, always a “newcomer”, and always be arriving, adapting, and belonging.

As two distinguished members of the Order of Canada would say:

“Very few of us share the same past but most of us will share the same future.” – Rita Deverell, Citizenship Judge

“As life long learners, we are learning to be, learning to become, learning to belong.” – Dr. Bruce Kidd, Former Olympian Runner 

Remember: there’s no place like “home” because home is where the heart is.